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    Family, News, Science

    Study finds autistic child refusing to smile simply unamused 

    New evidence has uncovered the most likely reason why autistic children don’t grin back at you — they simply think you’re dull. Behavioural experts have been monitoring Lottie Fitzgerald, three, who had remained stony faced throughout her parents’ attempts to entertain her. The couple from...
    Elsa Williams, 6 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    Crisis report! Family just won’t leave 

    In a recent alarming report, even though Christmas is over, your extended family is refusing to depart the premises. Despite autistic people supposedly having a reputation for not cottoning on to social cues, it’s your neurotypical Aunt Alma currently missing multiple hints that her presence...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    Racist, sexist, homophobic aunt reveals she’s branching out into ableism this Christmas 

    A racist, sexist and homophobic aunt has announced plans to branch out into ableism in time for Christmas, according to sources. Alma Montague, 46, realised that her bigoted tirades at family gatherings
 were excluding her autistic niece, 17 year-old Freya Emerson. In 
preparation for Christmas...
    Sarah Amero, 7 months ago 2 min read  
    Family, Love, News, Relationships

    Festive dating! Autistic woman finds unhealthy father figure to replicate trauma with 

    A straight autistic woman who seeks out unhealthy father figures in her romantic life has found the perfect jolly, yet mercurial older man to trigger her complex PTSD, it has been rumoured.  Sarah Harrow, 29, who seeks out partners who are at least 20 years...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    Autistic person asks to choose own family this Christmas 

    An autistic person has decided to select their own family for Christmas this year, sources have confirmed. Kit McGodden, 31, from Derby, ultimately came to the decision after years of drunken arguments with glass baubles being thrown, before their family of four ingested turkey in...
    Elsa Williams, 8 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    Autistic woman cast as villain in family drama 

    An autistic woman has expressed gratitude for “the role of a lifetime” having been cast as the main antagonist in her lifelong family drama, sources have revealed. Growing up, Paige Thomas, 31, from Dewsbury, was typecast as “spoiled” and “absolutely impossible to please” – despite...
    Elsa Williams, 9 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, Lifestyle, News

    Sweet! Family doesn’t hate you, just your autism  

    Your family doesn’t hate you – just the neurological blueprint that forms the basis for your entire personality, it has been confirmed.  A spokesperson for your family said: “We accept you just as you are, but we also wish that you were different in every...
    Sara Gibbs, 10 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    “I grieve the loss of my autistic child” says mother of boy stolen by giant squid 

    A mother is grieving the loss of her son — not because he was dragged to the depths of the ocean by a rare sea creature, but because he had autism. Noah Michaels, 12, was snatched on a boat trip during a family holiday last...
    Elsa Williams, 11 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, Health, News

    Helpful mum LOVES commenting on daughter’s eating habits 

    A mother’s favourite pastime is commenting on her adult autistic daughter’s eating habits “out of concern for her wellbeing,” reports have indicated. Liz Thomas, 54, from Huyton – who was recently heard describing 0% fat soya yogurt as “moreish” – is horrified that her daughter,...
    Elsa Williams, 11 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, Health, News

    “We want the best for them” say anti-vaxxers who named kids Meadow and Sunbeam 

    A couple who are afraid vaccines will give their children autism, causing them to have a harder time in life, has also given them both really fucking silly names, it has been confirmed.  Karen and Graeme Hoyland, both 43, who are terrified their children will...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 year ago 1 min read  
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