“Why is no one hitting on me?” asks woman who never leaves house
An autistic woman has lamented the dearth of dating opportunities in her own living room, sources have revealed. Paige Thomas, 32, who exclusively leaves her house for unavoidable medical appointments, is said to be “demoralised” by the lack of romantic interest she is receiving. Thomas...
Shock! Pleasure to have in class having terrible time, actually
A former student described as “outstanding” and “a joy to teach” hated her life during high school, it has been revealed. “Quirky” and “conscientious” teenager Mary Walker, 18, from Broughton, was predicted a string of A*s at GCSE. “We rewarded her by sitting her next...
Autistics to Highly Sensitive People: “you’re next”
Autistics have been staring at Highly Sensitive People like the bloodthirsty kids in Children of the Corn, sources have claimed. The phenomenon has grown as self-described HSPS have listed every autistic trait in the DSM-5 – but have insisted they’re just empaths who absorb the...
Autistic woman requests legally binding friendship contract
An autistic woman embarking upon a new friendship has asked for the terms to be clearly dictated in a legally binding document, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 24, agreed to an invitation for a drink after work with colleague Avery Mann, 25 – just...
“I fear for my autistic son” says mum who thinks Gary Barlow sent friend request
A woman “worried” for the future of her autistic child believes the lead singer of Take That tried to contact her on Facebook, according to reports. Tricia Squire, 66, from Elton, reportedly received a message from Barlow on Tuesday evening asking to “borrow two hundred...
Finally! Autistic girl would LOVE to teach the class, thanks
An autistic A-level student has been described as “thrilled” after finally being offered the temporary role as teacher of her sixth-form English class, sources have claimed. Paige Thomas, 17, who has been teaching the class on an informal basis, owing to her teacher’s incompetence, called...
Better late than never, concludes woman’s autism report
A woman approaching her 98th birthday has received a late late diagnosis of autism, reports have confirmed. Julie Walker, 97, from Goole – who received the full copy of her assessment report last Thursday – initially assumed her letter from the King had arrived early....
Creepy! Woman who thought she was alone was living with autism
A woman who previously believed she was a single occupant has, in fact, been living with autism. “I knew something was up,” claimed Beth Hapworth, 42. “I’d go to the fridge and find the contents organised by colour and shape, or I’d see that the...
Parents of boy in ABA: “We torture him out of love”
The parents of an autistic boy have released a statement explaining that they subject him to a cruel and humiliating therapy designed to make him behave less like himself – because they love him. Graeme Hart, 42, and his wife Karen, 43, issued a joint...
“What are you thinking?” therapist asks autistic woman thinking about viral reel
An autistic woman who paused for a prolonged period during a therapy session was actually recalling a recent Instagram reel, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 25, has been attending regular weekly appointments with an experienced counsellor – but worries when her mind starts to...
