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    News, Politics

    Government to “reform” support for autistic children in schools by just scrapping it all together 

    New proposals to overhaul special needs education for autistic and disabled children are set to remove the right to an education, health and care plan (EHCP) in favour of a new model, in which children are simply told to get the fuck on with it,...
    Laura Richmond, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    Family, News

    “My fault?” Mum determined to make your autism diagnosis all about her 

    Your mother is determined to make your late autism diagnosis all about herself somehow, it has been announced.  Tricia Squire, 54, has reportedly decided to process your life-changing news by listing everything she remembers eating during her pregnancy 30 years ago and querying if “maybe...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Unsubscribe! Autistic man illegally storing your data in his brain  

    An autistic man has found himself in breach of the Data Protection Act after illegally accumulating an encyclopaedia of information about you in his own memory, it has been reported.  Dexter Livingstone, 45, accused of storing facts about everyone he’s ever met without their permission...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Tragic! People think this woman is just TOO pretty to be autistic 

    A young woman is frequently disbelieved about her autism because she’s just too gosh darn attractive to be lumped in with the rest of us bridge trolls, it has been announced.  Paige Thomas, 24, meets all the diagnostic criteria for ASD, yet finds that many...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    Celebrities, News

    Breaking: DSM-5 hastily updated to account for Gregg Wallace’s underpants   

    In breaking news, the DSM-5 has been updated in the last 24 hours to include plausible deniability for Gregg Wallace, specifically.  The manual, used by psychologists to diagnose a range of conditions and neurodivergences, previously mentioned that autistic people can experience sensory issues – but...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    News, Relationships

    Autistic woman unable to start conversations discovers talent for bringing them to a screeching halt 

    An autistic woman who struggles to start conversations has discovered a talent for bringing them to an abrupt and uncomfortable end, sources have said. Paige Thomas, 44, never knows what to say when speaking to friends and family, but, once she finally works up the...
    Sarah Amero, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Inclusive! Workplace happy to offer any adjustments except ones you asked for 

    Your employer is proud to be able to offer a range of reasonable adjustments – that is, apart from the few you had the audacity to request, according to reports. In a statement issued today, the company commented: “Nothing is too much trouble – except...
    Elsa Williams, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman feels like Sylvanian Family hamster stranded in Barbie World   

    An autistic woman’s experience is akin to being an anthropomorphic animal figurine that’s found itself living in a perfect pink world in Malibu against its will, sources have revealed. Paige Thomas, 32, reportedly feels confused as to why she’s unwillingly found herself in a kingdom...
    Elsa Williams, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autism very trendy these days, says woman who doesn’t watch the news  

    A woman who has no idea what’s going on in the world believes you’re pretending to be autistic for the street cred, it has been discovered. Tricia Squire, 63, from Florida, thinks young people are diagnosing themselves for the instant popularity she believes autism commands...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Advertorial: Whaaat? This cishet autistic white dude with beard actually has Edinburgh show worth seeing 

    A cisgender, heterosexual autistic white guy with a beard has wowed commentators by having an Edinburgh Fringe show that people actually want to go and see on purpose, it has been claimed.  Do Zombies Dream of Undead Sheep? is performed by The Woodlouse, whose stage name conveniently sounds...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 3 min read  
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