Chic! Autistic woman’s autumn/winter runny nose seamlessly replaced by spring/summer runny nose
An autistic woman has been labelled a “trendsetter” after demonstrating how to seamlessly switch from a cold-weather runny nose to a hot-weather runny nose, it has been reported. Mary Walker, 43, believes that perpetually-drippy noses are a timeless classic, best paired with a nasty crumpled-up...
Explained! How to move countries and take on new identity after autistic joke gets taken seriously
We’ve all been there. Whom amongst us has not made a little joke for a bit of fun, and then looked on in horror as it was taken seriously, frozen in silent dread as the realisation hits that the person you are talking to now...
AuDHDer outnerded by people who actually remember the things they read
An auDHD person has reportedly been well and truly outnerded just because their fellow nerds can actually retain tiny details like plot and character. Kit McGodden, 34, loves all things fantasy, but their autistic desire to know everything about their favourite books, films and games...
Treat yourself! Autistic woman buys yet more tat from dead people’s houses
An autistic woman is living her best life by filling her home with items that other people have thrown away, sources have claimed. Charity shop menace Beth Hapworth, 35, appears to be enjoying an inexhaustible supply of dopamine, having turned her kitchen into an homage...
Autistic bearded man horrified by food near mouth
An autistic man who has intentionally grown a luscious and full beard/moustache combination on his own actual face is filled with a sense of visceral horror of food coming anywhere near it, according to sources. Mac Wheatley, 36, purposefully grew the collection of thick, dark...
Autistic woman who got dressed in dark would be wearing that outfit regardless
An autistic woman asked by a colleague if she got dressed in the dark absolutely did – but that’s not why she’s wearing that, eyewitnesses have reported. Beth Hapworth, 44, reportedly arrived at her job as an events coordinator for a small conference centre dressed...
It has pockets! Autistic woman’s clothes contain no keys or phone but plenty of tiny knitted rabbits
An autistic woman has chosen to fill the pockets of her new skirt with whimsical little oddities while continuing to lose all the items that she actually needs, sources have claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was reportedly delighted to discover that her latest Vinted purchase had...
Dress code can’t confuse you if you just stay home, study finds
Confusing dress codes only cease to be confusing once you give up and decide not to go, according to recent research. Dr. Krista Shure aimed to find a way for autistic people to interpret any event dress code without royally cocking it up, but her...
Justifications for buying more dice become ever more elaborate
An autistic woman who plays Dungeons & Dragons has been concocting increasingly elaborate and convoluted reasons to buy more new dice, eyewitnesses have claimed. Talia Cohen, 27, got into tabletop roleplaying games last year, where she started with a single set of dice in a plain red...
Autistic man insists collection of holes held together by threads is “just a little worn”
Headline by John Butler A set of tattered rags loosely held together by fraying threads that no longer remotely resemble a hoodie still has “plenty of wear left”, an autistic man has claimed. Dexter Livingstone, 48, reportedly refuses to give up on the beloved garment,...
