An autistic woman has set a new world record for speed in avoiding all direct requests made of her, it has been reported.
Ffiona Maw, 29, has managed to successively run away from all tasks that have been required from her since 2011 – including nine pieces of academic coursework, washing up a bean-encrusted casserole dish and opening a WhatsApp message from her housemate asking her to empty the dishwasher nearly three years ago.
Maw explained: “When faced with the existential threat of a simple obligation, my strategy is race away with sonic speed, like I’m a cartoon bird being chased by Wile E. Coyote. Tell me to put together a spreadsheet or pass you a fork and I’ll vanish in a puff of smoke.”
“Instead of firing a starting gun, they just have to ask if I’d be able to convert a document to PDF and send it via email, and I’m already half a mile away,” she continued. “Meep meep.”
Maw was asked if she was available for one follow-up question, but she was already bolting in the opposite direction.
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