Despite their best efforts, an autistic person has concluded they can’t wrap for shit, it has been announced.
Freya Emerson, 31, from Atherton, has spent the last five-and-a-half hours despairing on the bedroom carpet while trying to wrap a giant Lindt ball – with minimal success.
“Christmas is all about thinking of others. So you’d think people would have the courtesy to request books, chocolates or things in boxes,” Emerson told us. “My niece asked for a Jellycat octopus. Quite frankly, that’s just taking the piss.”
Emerson continued: “What’s the point of wasting 45 minutes accidentally taping your fingers to a Terry’s Chocolate Orange, just so your weird uncle can smile, rattle it and and say, ‘I know what this is’?”
Emerson – who at the time of writing had just ripped through another silver sheet of paper covered in Christmas trees with a pair of kitchen scissors – has concluded the gliding technique is a fucking myth, much like the letdown of Father Christmas himself.
Emerson’s mother, Liz McHodge, 59, commented: “Frankly, I’ve had chippy teas better wrapped than presents from Freya.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
