An autistic man has been dumped by his girlfriend after he neglected to buy her a red rectangle of cardboard on February 14th, it has been announced.

Dexter Livingstone, 26, who also failed to obtain a bunch of dead plants wrapped in cellophane, or a piece of polyester-stuffed fabric in the shape of a bear holding a human vital organ, spoke out today about the injustice of his sudden single status.

Livingstone said: “Siobhan left me because I’d apparently made ‘no effort’, unlike her friend Becky’s boyfriend, who had a bunch of helium-filled foil delivered to her place of work.”

“I tried to explain the environmental impact of helium balloons, in terms of extraction, the global helium shortage and the inevitable jellyfish massacre that results from them ending up in the ocean, but she hung up on me.”

“It’s not like I did nothing,” Livingstone continued. “I found her that cool rock on my morning walk. There’s no pleasing some people.”

Ex-girlfriend Becky Armitage, 27, said: “For God’s sake, Dexter, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Livingstone did not respond, but he did stare back blankly.

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.