An autistic woman has declined three bowls of porridge belonging to three bears due to requiring a specific spoon to eat them with, it has been reported.
The woman, 21, a petty criminal from Sherwood, known only by her gang nickname, Goldilocks, allegedly snuck in through the window of a small cottage owned by a household of brown bears, hoping for a decent meal. But her plans were scuppered when she “wasn’t a fan” of the utensils on offer.
Goldilocks commented: “I only eat my cereal with a tiny teaspoon. Anybody that shoves a dessert spoon in their mouth is a maniac. And if it has a handle that’s a different colour to the shallow bowl of metal, you can forget about it.”
“Even if I’d been able to find a reasonable spoon, the food itself was unpalatable. The big bowl was too hot. The medium was too cold. And the baby bowl was just porridge in the first place – which is fucking disgusting.”
She added: “Do you have any potato croquettes?”
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