“Rejection sensitive” autistic woman decides on career in the arts for some reason
An autistic woman with rejection sensitivity dysphoria has inexplicably decided to pursue a career that has an entire academic discipline dedicated to criticising it, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 24, reportedly thinks being a writer-performer will bring her joy and fulfilment, despite every single thing...
Weighted blanket filled with collective sadness of mankind
An autistic woman’s weighted blanket is heavy with the collective sorrow of billions of human beings, sources have revealed. Ellie Mulligan, 35, first became aware that her blanket might not have been ethically sourced when she noticed a faint screaming sound coming from within the...
Chronically ill autistic woman officially on enough meds to open underground pharmacy
A chronically ill autistic woman is officially on enough medication to start a lucrative side hustle, it has been revealed. Alma Montague, 39, who has so many comorbidities she can sing their acronyms to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, realised recently that she now owns so...
AuDHD woman regrets telling everyone about craft project
An AuDHD woman has come to “sorely regret” telling everyone who’d listen about the Barbie Dreamhouse she started building six months ago, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 38, who wasn’t allowed a Barbie Dreamhouse as a child, embarked upon the project as a way...
“We mustn’t leave it so long next time” says AuDHD friend who’ll see you in a decade
An AuDHD friend who has vowed to get better at staying in touch will see you whenever the next parent dies, sources have confirmed. Jay Chester, 40, can’t believe it’s been so long since you last met up and genuinely intends to remedy the issue...
Why do you ask? Hypermobile woman IS comfortable sitting like that
A hypermobile autistic woman is reportedly perfectly comfortable sitting like her legs are on backwards, why do you ask? Krista Shure, 44, who eyewitnesses claim has the flexibility of a newborn infant, told reporters she has “no idea” why people keep asking if she’s OK...
Google AI undergoes autism assessment after taking obvious joke at face value
Google’s AI program has been sent for an autism assessment after it failed to understand obvious satire, sources have reported. Head of AI engineering Paul Shinter, 34, has sent Gemini, two, for an autism assessment after it allegedly began a campaign to stop autistic children...
AuDHD woman would rather drop dead than suffer through indignity of unskippable ad
An AuDHD woman would literally rather expire on the spot than have to watch one single second of an unskippable ad, it has been confirmed. Christine Smout, 46, will reportedly do anything to avoid sitting through 30 unsolicited seconds about the fucking postcode lottery including,...
Dreams come true! Corporation grants little autistic boy‘s wish to become clickbait
A kindhearted multinational corporation has reportedly granted a small autistic boy’s greatest wish – to become the subject of a wholesome clickbait article promoting their products and services. Globalcompanycorp, whose family of brands includes children’s toys, theme parks and ballistic missiles, altruistically gifted seven-year-old Finley...
Study finds that how you happen to feel right now is how you’ve always felt and will always feel
The feeling you happen to have in this precise moment is a permanent state of affairs, a new study has revealed. According to a new clinical trial, emotions and physical sensations are static and immovable phenomena that will never be any different, whether they’re positive,...
