Alien vs. Predator just autistic woman’s dating history
An autistic woman has no desire to watch 2004’s Alien vs. Predator, as she has already lived the entire saga in her own romantic life, it has been confirmed. Krista Shure, 32, has no idea what the actual film is about, but does know what...
Dyspraxic woman at corn maze still looking for way in
A dyspraxic autistic woman tasked with finding her way out of a Halloween corn maze first has to find the entrance, her loved ones have revealed. Olivia Buckingham, 26, who took three months to learn the layout of her small workplace and still frequently ends...
Exposed! Autism satire site’s “merch” actually cunning plan to turn fans into human billboards
A satire website by and for autistic people has launched a new line of merchandise, revealed to be an elaborate scam to enlist fans to unwittingly act as human advertisements and pay for the privilege. An exposé of The Daily Tism by The Daily Tism...
Autistic woman’s horror movie night ruined by watching horror movie
An autistic woman’s horror movie night has been wrecked by the utterly terrifying film she chose to put on, for reasons she can’t quite remember now she’s close to pissing herself in terror, it has been revealed. Brenda Hernández, 27, reportedly thought it would be...
Autistic woman who let guard down about Toilet Monster for one second immediately gets gotted
A 39-year-old autistic woman who finally accepted that the Toilet Monster wasn’t real unwittingly gave it the opportunity to reach its scaly hand up, grab her hair and suck her down into a sewage-filled Hades, authorities have confirmed. Avery Mann, who has taken every possible...
The Woman in Black? Autistic goth unwittingly scares bejeezus out of Daniel Radcliffe
The actor Daniel Radcliffe has reportedly had the ever-living shite scared out of him by a mysterious woman in black who turned out to be an autistic goth minding her own business. Paige Thomas, 28, who was waiting for the 11.15 train to Riddlesdown when...
AuDHD man who will die in seven days unless he makes copy of tape had a pretty good run, to be fair
An auDHD man who watched a creepy videotape and then received a voicemail informing him that he would die in seven days unless he made a copy has reportedly resigned himself to the inevitable. Yuichi Suzuki, 48, has added “make copy of haunted video” to...
Argh! Autistic woman starts conversation she doesn’t want to finish
An autistic woman has accidentally started a conversation she doesn’t have the spoons to continue, loved ones have claimed. Brenda Hernández, 34, reportedly made a passing comment to her mother, Lucia Ruiz, 58, about wishing she could install air con in her rented property, prompting...
First domino falls in undiagnosed neurodivergent friend group
The first of a group of undiagnosed neurodivergent friends has finally figured it out, making it only a matter of time before the others start toppling into a big heap of late-discovered burnout, reports have indicated. Talia Cohen, 28, who started to suspect she might...
Mum gearing up for another year of getting special interest birthday present wrong
An autistic woman’s mother is planning another birthday present reflecting her daughter’s special interest back at her completely incorrectly, it has been rumoured. Tricia Squire, 65, really is trying, bless her, but hasn’t really understood what it is her daughter likes about witchcraft and has...
