Autistic woman to apologise for apologising until she runs out of oxygen
Concerns are growing for an autistic woman’s oxygen supplies as she enters a third day of her perpetual apology loop, emergency services have said. Beth Hapworth, 21, initially apologised to girlfriend Emma Bernard, 23, for Bernard’s period pains. On being told “you don’t need to...
2025! Non-autistics convinced arbitrary date change will fix everything
Allistic people have expressed excitement that humanity will magically reset itself on the first of January, it has been announced. In a statement released today, neurotypicals conveyed their relief that “this horrible year is nearly over,” asserting the belief that an arbitrary change in year...
“No, but really!” Autistic woman only person whose negative self-talk is true
An autistic woman is the only person in the world whose negative self-talk is based in reality, said autistic woman has announced. Beth Hapworth, 37, recognises that imposter syndrome is a thing – but has explained that she doesn’t have it, as she is, in...
Autistic man accused of being “a real Scrooge” just burned out from socialising with ghosts
An autistic man accused of ruining Christmas by being “a real Scrooge” has simply used all his social energy on interactions with three weirdly intense ghosts, it has been confirmed. Ben Espenson, 35, had intended to make an effort with his extended family over Christmas...
Festive dating! Autistic woman finds unhealthy father figure to replicate trauma with
A straight autistic woman who seeks out unhealthy father figures in her romantic life has found the perfect jolly, yet mercurial older man to trigger her complex PTSD, it has been rumoured. Sarah Harrow, 29, who seeks out partners who are at least 20 years...
Don’t let your autism define you, begs woman whose Insta bio reads “drinker of tea”
A non-autistic woman who doesn’t want your autism to define who you are has listed her own defining trait as drinking a hot beverage consumed by pretty much everyone, sources have revealed. Karen Hoyland, 44, whose Insta bio reads “good vibes only, drinker of tea”...
The Daily Tism News
Episode 1: Christmas Special Created by The Daily Tism and Turtle Canyon ComedyExecutive Producers – Sara Gibbs, Stuart Laws and Elsa WilliamsProducer – Sara GibbsHead Writers – Sara Gibbs, Stuart Laws and Elsa WilliamsAdditional Material – Simon Alcock and Abi WinestockCast – John Gibbs, Sara...
Autistic woman conquers world after discovering allistics’ secret life handbook
An autistic woman has finally been given the keys to the kingdom after unearthing the elusive How to Person handbook the neurotypicals have been hiding from us, it has been announced. Beth Hapworth, 32, expressed relief at having her suspicions confirmed that everyone else was...
“Unfiltered” autistic woman actually thinking many atrocious things she’s not saying
An autistic woman described by colleagues as “totally unfiltered” actually, alarmingly does have a filter that’s catching a high proportion of her horrifying thoughts, it has been rumoured. Admin assistant Natasha Weaving, 23, has acquired a reputation for saying whatever is on her mind at...
Autistics to Boris Johnson: don’t even fucking think about it
Autistic people have issued a statement explaining to Boris Johnson that autism does not cause you to become a compulsively lying, law-breaking, nation-wrecking cunt. The statement encourages Johnson – who claimed in a Telegraph interview that he can be “a bit on the spectrum” –...
