Autistic woman punished for fleeting moment of happiness by remembering mortality
An autistic woman has reportedly been punished for experiencing a brief moment of joy by immediately remembering the impermanence of life and that one day everyone who exists, including her, will be dead. Ffiona Maw, 42, experienced a fleeting moment of unbridled happiness while enjoying...
Autistic woman concerned when limo driver stops to pick up random people
Headline by Anna Nicholson, winner of our Patreon caption competition. Piece by Sara Gibbs An autistic woman who thought she was boarding an exclusive stretch limousine has been left “baffled and aggravated” after the driver repeatedly stopped to allow the general public on board, sources...
Experts reveal the causes of Daily Mail readership and how to avoid them
In an announcement that has stunned the nation’s right-wing dickheads, experts have vowed to identify the causes of reading The Daily Mail by the end of the month. The collection of words and pictures, which technically qualifies as a “newspaper” despite containing more shrieking than...
Autistic woman punished for having birthday by people singing at her
An autistic woman has reportedly faced dire consequences for having been born on this day 28 years ago by being sentenced to a full day of people singing badly straight into her face. Alma Montague, 28, didn’t ask to be born, but has now had...
Huh. Woman does look kinda autistic actually
A woman actually does look pretty autistic, to be honest, according to eyewitnesses. Natasha Weaving, 27, who has been told by ignorant bystanders that she “doesn’t look autistic”, genuinely could not look more autistic if she tried. Fellow autistic woman, Niamh Callaghan, 35, commented: “How...
“Rejection sensitive” autistic woman decides on career in the arts for some reason
An autistic woman with rejection sensitivity dysphoria has inexplicably decided to pursue a career that has an entire academic discipline dedicated to criticising it, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 24, reportedly thinks being a writer-performer will bring her joy and fulfilment, despite every single thing...
Weighted blanket filled with collective sadness of mankind
An autistic woman’s weighted blanket is heavy with the collective sorrow of billions of human beings, sources have revealed. Ellie Mulligan, 35, first became aware that her blanket might not have been ethically sourced when she noticed a faint screaming sound coming from within the...
Chronically ill autistic woman officially on enough meds to open underground pharmacy
A chronically ill autistic woman is officially on enough medication to start a lucrative side hustle, it has been revealed. Alma Montague, 39, who has so many comorbidities she can sing their acronyms to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, realised recently that she now owns so...
AuDHD woman regrets telling everyone about craft project
An AuDHD woman has come to “sorely regret” telling everyone who’d listen about the Barbie Dreamhouse she started building six months ago, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 38, who wasn’t allowed a Barbie Dreamhouse as a child, embarked upon the project as a way...
“We mustn’t leave it so long next time” says AuDHD friend who’ll see you in a decade
An AuDHD friend who has vowed to get better at staying in touch will see you whenever the next parent dies, sources have confirmed. Jay Chester, 40, can’t believe it’s been so long since you last met up and genuinely intends to remedy the issue...
