Autistics to Highly Sensitive People: “you’re next”
Autistics have been staring at Highly Sensitive People like the bloodthirsty kids in Children of the Corn, sources have claimed. The phenomenon has grown as self-described HSPS have listed every autistic trait in the DSM-5 – but have insisted they’re just empaths who absorb the...
Autistic woman requests legally binding friendship contract
An autistic woman embarking upon a new friendship has asked for the terms to be clearly dictated in a legally binding document, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 24, agreed to an invitation for a drink after work with colleague Avery Mann, 25 – just...
Finally! Autistic girl would LOVE to teach the class, thanks
An autistic A-level student has been described as “thrilled” after finally being offered the temporary role as teacher of her sixth-form English class, sources have claimed. Paige Thomas, 17, who has been teaching the class on an informal basis, owing to her teacher’s incompetence, called...
Parents of boy in ABA: “We torture him out of love”
The parents of an autistic boy have released a statement explaining that they subject him to a cruel and humiliating therapy designed to make him behave less like himself – because they love him. Graeme Hart, 42, and his wife Karen, 43, issued a joint...
Outrage! Neighbours having unacceptable amount of fun through wall
Autistic people nationwide have expressed outrage as their neighbours are having an aggravating amount of fun on the other side of the wall, a survey has revealed. Respondents conceded that the next-door neighbours, separated from them by just a flimsy wall, are entitled to have...
How to live with a person without autism
Living with a person who’s living without autism can be a unique challenge. It’s not their fault that they suffer from not having autism — but that doesn’t reduce the impact their condition has on you. If you’re struggling to live with a person without...
See?! Autistic woman resists urge to wave diagnosis in face of everyone she’s ever had beef with
A newly diagnosed autistic woman has miraculously refrained from contacting everyone who’s ever misunderstood her socially, sources have confirmed. Paige Thomas, 28 – who finally received her autism diagnosis last week after three years on an NHS waiting list – described the development as “in...
“We’re all a bit autistic” says woman who doesn’t realise she’s a lot autistic
A woman who thinks “everyone’s a little bit autistic” has no idea she’s the most autistic woman to ever autism, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 45, made the claim after suggesting her autistic friend’s struggles to be “just what everyone goes through, right?” She...
Coincidence! Neurotypical woman raising awareness of autism also wants you to buy these gut vitamins
A neurotypical woman who has selflessly dedicated her life to raising awareness about autism also wouldn’t mind if you bought these gut vitamins, it has been reported. Karen Hoyland, 42, spends most of her day talking about the “devastating impact” autism has on families and...
Newly diagnosed autistic woman offered follow-up appointment with Twitter dickheads
A late-diagnosed autistic woman seeking further support has been generously offered limitless sessions on social media with some cunts, it has been reported. Paula Mulberry, 41, spent three years on an NHS waiting list before her suspicions that she might be autistic were confirmed. When...
