The people who raised you still don’t have a solitary clue about your autism and will continue to act like their entire world has been shaken whenever you bring it up, according to sources.

Your family, all old enough to know better, react with the same surprise whenever you mention that you’re an autistic person with needs that many autistic people have. This is because they cease to exist when you aren’t interacting with them, nor do you exist in whatever liminal space they occupy when you are apart.

Your uncle, 60, said: “I’m not going to retain anything meaningful about you until you get married, have a child or die because that’s what defines family – the addition and subtraction of people, no matter what other random gubbins happens to them in between.”

Your grandmother, 80, added: “Sorry, yes, dear, you can switch the big light off. I will spend the entire evening commenting on it, though, and it will become the subject of all of my jokes, which I will deliver with an affectionate tone but without any real loving intent. You know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what’s wrong with you.”

“Why don’t you tell us a bit more about that autism, sweetheart? I’m sure Auntie Alma would love to nod attentively and then let the information drain out of her mind over the course of the evening.”

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