An autistic teenager has been described not just as an “old soul” but a positively geriatric one, reports have confirmed.
Lottie Fitzgerald, 16, feels that people who post “granny chic” on social media are a bunch of amateurs who wouldn’t know a Teasmade if it treated them to a rendition of Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’ and a spot of line dancing.
“They’ve never seen a Toby jug in their lives,” added the youngster, whose knees ache from tending to her bedding plants. “I have, but only because I was overwhelmed by the urge to seek one out.”
“Last month, I went to see folk rock pioneers Fairport Convention in concert,” she continued. “I looked around at all the other fans and realised I was bringing the average age right down. It was like the Post Office on pension day.”
“I can’t help that all the best music was recorded between 1968 and 1973. Nor can I help that these shoes with adjustable velcro and extra room to accommodate the bunions I don’t have are extremely comfortable.”
Fitzgerald concluded the interview there, since it was time for her to watch The Repair Shop and have a little lie down.
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