An autistic woman has been left in a state of emergency after no one was around to hug her until her eyes popped out of her head, according to sources.

Merve Öztürk, 34, reportedly experienced a wave of overwhelm while trying to defrost her freezer, and ended up sitting on her kitchen floor staring at it in helpless panic without any hope of relief from a high-pressure cuddle.

Öztürk said: “It’s all too much! My partner’s at work, and he brought the dog with him as well. There go my two best weighted companions. Guess I’ll just… die.”

“I could go round and ask my neighbour but I don’t think she has the upper body strength nor the emotional constitution to squish a grown woman for her own wellbeing.”

Öztürk reportedly then pulled out her phone and searched for “boa constrictor rescue near me”.

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.