Some autistic people have succeeded in wearing clothes without having clothes anywhere near them, sources have confirmed.
The revolutionary new style reportedly allows autistic people to feel as free as they day they were born, without immediately losing their actual freedom on a public indecency charge.
Autistic man Eddie Albington, 41, explained: “Having learned the hard way that being naked in public is frowned upon, not to mention rather chilly for my nether regions, I’ve found the best way to avoid the unbearable sensation of fabric against my skin is to wear trousers that make me look like MC Hammer, even though I’m a white man from Basingstoke.”
Fellow autistic, Talia Cohen, 37, has been known to go missing inside her own clothes for days at a time. She commented: “Once, they even sent a search party. The rescue team ventured into my rainbow pinafore dress with torches and supplies and were never seen again.”
“I prefer to keep the fact that I have a body as a closely guarded secret. It’s demeaning to have to steer this meat boat around, you know? I’d rather be a head floating above great swathes of cotton.”
Albington and Cohen are planning to marry next summer, when Cohen’s wedding dress will double up as the marquee.
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