The first of a group of undiagnosed neurodivergent friends has finally figured it out, making it only a matter of time before the others start toppling into a big heap of late-discovered burnout, reports have indicated. 

Talia Cohen, 28, who started to suspect she might be “a bit spectrummy” after people kept directly stating it right to her face, has since read everything she could get her hands on about autism, including why it’s problematic to say “a bit spectrummy” – and has passed this sacred knowledge on to her very clearly different-brained social circle. 

Cohen said: “If I’m going down, I’m taking you all with me. I’m handing out epiphanies like Oprah hands out cars. You get an autism! And you get an autism. You only get an ADHD – but you can still hang with us.”

“Xavier, remember the time at uni that girl was telling you about how her dad got encephalitis and forgot who she was and you didn’t hear her properly and laughed maniacally?” Cohen continued. “That was an autism.”

“And Abeer, you know how you keep saying ‘WHOM’ to correct our grammar, like a bargain bin Ross from Friends? Autism.”

And Merve, you know how you completely forgot we were meeting up today? Never mind. I’ll text you your diagnosis.”

Clinical psychologist Karen Hoyland commented: “For the last time – we don’t do group discounts.”

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