An autistic woman can demonstrate an impressive range of skills and abilities, all of which have one characteristic in common: they are of absolutely no use to her or anybody else, sources have claimed.
Ellie Mulligan, 55, was dismayed to discover that, in spite of her many talents, in most situations she is not much help. In fact, she tends to clutter up the place, getting in the way.
“It’s a bit of a stereotype, but some autistic people do have a special talent,” Mulligan explained. “They might be able to do really hard sums, or sing with perfect pitch, or write a masterpiece. It’s like God’s way of apologising for making us so weird.”
“My magnum opus is, in fact, a Magnum. I can eat a full-size one in eight seconds flat.”
“I can’t draw or dance or play a sport, but I can do loads of other things. For example, my animal noises are so convincing it’s uncanny, and I can stand facing forwards but with my feet facing backwards. What do you mean you don’t want to see that?”
At the time of reporting, Mulligan’s CV runs to 32 pages but has received a disappointing lack of interest on LinkedIn.
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