An autistic woman’s supposed “safe food” is gradually leading to her demise, according to reports.
Paige Thomas, 28, constantly falls asleep at her desk, develops a new illness every other week and is deficient in vitamins from A all the way down to Z – yet remains undeterred from her current meal of choice.
Thomas – who has been consuming pasta, butter and parmesan cheese three times a day for the past 11 weeks – insists her recent starchy complexion is “absolutely nothing to worry about.”
Surgeon Navya Randhawa, 43, said: “We were particularly alarmed when scans discovered that the damage is irreversible. Unfortunately, Paige’s aorta has been replaced with a piece of rigatoni.”
“When they tried to take my bloods, there was little left to speak of,” Thomas explained. “Only liquid cheese sauce. A shame, as I really wanted to donate – but hopefully some of it can go to our local Italian.”
“Having the declining health of a 16th century sailor on a prolonged sea voyage isn’t fun. But I’d sooner die of scurvy than add in a bit of carrot.”
“At least I’ll die happy,” Thomas told us. “A good life isn’t measured in years – it’s measured in macaroni.”
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