An autistic woman “looking forward to making soup this autumn” has just recalled how much she actually fucking hates it, sources have confirmed.
Miya Wilkes, 31, from Sheffield, was initially thrilled at the prospect of chopping almost-expired vegetables and draining thick, murky water from cans of beans – before coming to the important realisation.
“Yay, autumn! I can’t wait to make soup!” Wilkes told us. “Come to think of it, it’s disgusting. And you’re just hungry an hour later. It’s pointless. And where the fuck do I store it, once I’ve made it all? It’s just creating problems.”
“Yes, I might briefly enjoy feeling like a little witch stirring my brew. That’s before I remember it’s just lumps of celery and potato and not a potion to curse my family,” Wilkes continued.
Wilkes was last seen at a pumpkin patch, stating: “Hang on, is this just a rainy field full of snotty kids and disgusting vegetables to put in the soup I don’t want to eat??”
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