Wes Streeting is currently waiting by the phone hoping fellow health secretary Robert Francis Kennedy Jr has finally noticed what a special little evil boy he is, according to political sources.
Streeting, whose Wikipedia page falsely asserts he was born “in 1983” instead of “yesterday”, has recently decided to go after the ADHDers with the same punk-rock disregard for scientific rigour and empirical evidence he applies to attacking trans and disabled people. Streeting now hopes this is enough to get the only man who likes spurious pseudoscientific bullshit more than him to finally notice him and be his best friend forever.
Retired ghost train animatronic Streeting said: “I’m so nervous. What if he picks up? What if he’s seen this ADHD thing and gone ‘Attaboy, Streeting! Why don’t you come to the White House and play a round of golf with me and my friends? They’re your friends now, too, Wes, and so am I’?”
“And then he ruffles my hair and gives me a dollar, and we start a measles epidemic together.”
“Maybe he’s delayed in calling me because of the time difference,” said Streeting after he had waited for two hours. “He’s stuck in the 1950s, and Britain’s all the way ahead in the 1980s. Aaaany minute now.”
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