A whistleblower has reportedly revealed that “reduce your stress levels” is nothing more than a cruel in-joke among doctors.
According to the anonymous source, medical professionals enjoy flippantly suggesting to patients that they should just consider being less stressed because they know that literally everyone is trying to do that all the time.
The source said: “We know you’re stressed because you’re disabled, poor, marginalised or British. We know that said stress will shorten your life considerably, and it’s far too late for you to be born rich, so you are what we in the profession like to call ‘completely fucked’.”
“You could meditate, or exercise, or try eating a vegetable and see what that does, but fundamentally you’ll still be a person living in this world, subjected to all its slings and arrows. In some ways, there is a cure for ‘life’, but the last time I recommended it they threatened to strike me off the medical register.”
“I can, however, recommend a retinol for the frown lines.”
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