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    Lifestyle, News

    Savant! Woman’s autistic superpower is reciting entirety of 1998’s The Parent Trap 

    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  

    A Manchester woman has wowed onlookers by revealing that her autistic superpower is the ability to recite the entirety of Lindsay Lohan’s 1998 film, The Parent Trap, complete with hammy accents and elaborate secret handshake, it has been reported. Krista Shure, 35, was delivering a…

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    News

    Thanks, Chappell! Autistic woman feels hot when she has a meltdown 

    A track by pop artist Chappell Roan has caused a woman to view her autistic meltdowns in a fresh and sexy new light, according to reports. Ellie Mulligan, 26, from Old Trafford, first heard My Kink Is Karma just a fortnight ago – but it’s...
    Elsa Williams, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Friendships, News

    Whoops! Autistic woman subconsciously plagiarised entire personality  

    An autistic woman has woken up at 2am having suddenly realised why her whole deal feels horribly familiar, reports have indicated.  Sarah Harrow, 24, who had begun to notice a strange sense of unease whenever she said or did things, initially thought she was experiencing...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Love, News, Relationships

    Weird! Autistic woman’s pattern spotting fails to detect shit boyfriend 

    An autistic woman who can predict complex sociological behaviours based on historical patterns is mysteriously unable to turn this ability on her boyfriend. Paige Thomas, 28, can analyse large amounts of data to perfectly predict wars, elections and winners of Strictly.  Yet despite boyfriend Dexter...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  
    News

    Woman comes out as autistic by going back inside 

    A woman has revealed to family and friends that she’s autistic – right before turning round to go back home. Krista Shure, 26, from Dingle, made the announcement on the driveway of the family home. According to sources, Shure could be heard returning indoors following...
    Elsa Williams, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Work

    Hats off! Workplace officially recognised as autism unfriendly 

    A company has won a prestigious award for being completely inaccessible to autistic people. “I was blown away by the glaring lighting and below average chatter,” said chief executive Gavin Monks, 39, who presented the certificate during a ceremony. “Along with the overly elaborate processes...
    Elsa Williams, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Friendships, News

    Autistic friendship basically if your therapist had no boundaries  

    A friendship between two autistic women has been described as “basically really amazing therapy but without the pesky boundaries,” sources have revealed.  Paige Thomas, 27 and Beth Hapworth, 36, have been close friends ever since they hit it off in a Facebook group for autistic...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  
    Love, Relationships

    Man upset to discover manic pixie dream girl just regular autistic woman  

    A man who thought his quirky girlfriend would magically fix all his debilitating personal issues has been left “hurt and disappointed” after she transpired to be an ordinary autistic woman, it has been rumoured.  Robert Noot, 29, was first attracted to Kelsey Dacey, 26, due...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  
    News, Science

    Autism researchers to begin simply peering through people’s windows 

    Autism researchers have decided to drop any pretence of adhering to scientific or ethical methodology and are to begin simply peering through autistic people’s windows, it has been revealed. Project leader Dr. Karen Hoyland PhD said: “There is only so much we’ve been able to...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    News, Science

    Autistic woman “expert” at reading potato smiley faces  

    Despite finding it difficult to read the room at times, an autistic woman has found her niche interpreting oven potato smilies, reports have indicated. Paige Thomas, 24, from Barnsley, subsists almost entirely on a diet of potato-based frozen foods – and endeavours to understand each...
    Elsa Williams, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Family, News, Work

    Autistic child’s career prospects “greatly improved” by parents posting meltdowns online  

    An autistic child has issued a statement thanking his parents for increasing his future employment prospects by constantly posting videos of his most vulnerable and private moments on the Internet. Finley Rice, seven, said: “My parents have been working tirelessly to build me a brand...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic woman reveals late dungaree diagnosis 

    A well-known autistic influencer has received an adult Dungaree diagnosis, she shared in a moving instagram post. Kelsey Dacey, 23, from Somewhere Down South, was diagnosed with autism two years ago – but insists this latest realisation was even more life changing. “I mean, I...
    Elsa Williams, 2 years ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    New diagnostic test to determine if you’re enough like autistic nephew  

    Scientists have announced that a brand-new autism scale will measure if patients are enough like this random woman’s nephew with autism.  The new criteria will determine if patients sufficiently resemble six-year-old Finley Rice from Kent, who loves monster trucks and fart jokes. His aunt, Dr....
    Sara Gibbs, 2 years ago 2 min read  
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