Woman makes up for lack of eye contact by occasionally staring into people’s souls
A woman who has previously struggled to make eye contact compensates by sporadically staring past people’s eyes into the very essence of their deepest desires, fears and shame, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 25, from Penkridge, always found it difficult to meet people’s gaze…
Becky’s passive-aggressive Instagram story triggers global RSD crisis
A woman’s cryptically narky Instagram story has set off every neurodivergent person in the world’s rejection sensitive dysphoria, the government has confirmed. Becky Armitage, 42, posted the following mysterious rant to the social media platform: “Some people are seriously self-absorbed. Get over yourselves #Toxic.” University...
Autistic woman who therapist called “tough cookie” jumps at toaster
An autistic woman whose therapist called “a tough cookie” jumps when the toaster pops up, like she’s a piece of bread, according to reports. Krista Shure, 25, from Cheadle, has been officially labelled as “brave” – despite going into a trauma response when the post...
Gifted and talented student just average and weird now
An autistic woman referred to a “gifted and talented” scheme during high school is just average and weird now, according to reports. Emma Bernard, 28, from Ormskirk, was regarded as a high achiever during her years in secondary education – mostly due to using words...
Autistic person just likes same eleven seconds of that one song
An autistic person hasn’t got a clue about your favourite artist – but knows one specific song really really well, according to reports. Avery Mann, 26, from Holmfirth, has listened to Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan on a loop without any deviation for the...
Adult man still lives with his autism
A man who grew up living with autism still hasn’t moved out, it has been reported. Dexter Livingstone, 22, left his parents’ home at the age of 18, but to their dismay took his autism with him. Livingstone’s mother, Karen Livingstone, 54, said: “We were...
Helpful mum LOVES commenting on autistic daughter’s eating habits
A mother’s favourite pastime is commenting on her adult autistic daughter’s eating habits “out of concern for her wellbeing,” reports have indicated. Liz Thomas, 54, from Huyton – who was recently heard describing 0% fat soya yogurt as “moreish” – is horrified that her daughter,...
“Everything we don’t like is on the spectrum” decide neurotypicals
Neurotypicals have helpfully decided that everything they dislike must be “on the spectrum,” it has been announced. Neurotypicals said: “That guy being a bit of a tosser? Probably on the spectrum.” “Nazis? Definitely on the spectrum,” they continued. “That mass murderer?” They added. “Seems pretty...
Mentally healthy autistic woman just really into handwashing
An autistic woman has discovered a harmless new talent for repeatedly washing her hands, according to reports. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Runcorn, scrubs her hands with carbolic soap multiple times an hour – which her family says simply shows a commendable dedication to her craft....
Neurotypicals unaware they can just stay home
Neurotypical people have no idea that they can simply not go outside, it has been reported. Since the start of summer, reports of allistic people leaving their lovely homes with all their things in have shot up by 11,000%. Sociologist, Dr. Olivia Buckingham, explained the...
Prodigy! Undiagnosed autistic woman really good at eating disorder
An undiagnosed autistic woman has discovered she’s absolutely amazing at having an eating disorder. Paige Thomas, 19, from Elton, has an innate talent for using food to regulate uncomfortable emotions – as opposed to actually feeling them. “It’s absolutely foolproof,” Thomas told us proudly. “To...
Disabled friend doesn’t particularly want your Not-Covid either
Your disabled friend isn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of getting whatever horrible lurgy you’ve reassured them isn’t Covid, it has been revealed. In a statement released today, your disabled friend clarified that yes, they’re keen to avoid Covid at all costs, but you still...
Man! This autistic woman doesn’t feel like a woman
A song by Canadian pop artist Shania Twain has uprooted an autistic woman’s issues with gender identity, reports have confirmed. The throwback track – which was playing in a bar during a outing with friends she didn’t want to go out with in the first...
