Meant to be! This dating website matches autistic singles with inevitable sociopath
A new dating website has launched with the aim of pairing lonely autistics with the sociopath that would have eventually sniffed them out anyway. A spokesperson for Unhinge, Graeme Hart, said: “Our process is very simple. You take a quick quiz when you sign up…
Gifted and talented student just average and weird now
An autistic woman referred to a “gifted and talented” scheme during high school is just average and weird now, according to reports. Emma Bernard, 28, from Ormskirk, was regarded as a high achiever during her years in secondary education – mostly due to using words...
Autistic person just likes same eleven seconds of that one song
An autistic person hasn’t got a clue about your favourite artist – but knows one specific song really really well, according to reports. Avery Mann, 26, from Holmfirth, has listened to Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan on a loop without any deviation for the...
Adult man still lives with his autism
A man who grew up living with autism still hasn’t moved out, it has been reported. Dexter Livingstone, 22, left his parents’ home at the age of 18, but to their dismay took his autism with him. Livingstone’s mother, Karen Livingstone, 54, said: “We were...
Woman who told depressed friend to “reach out” didn’t mean to HER
A woman who told her clinically depressed autistic friend to reach out if she felt bad meant for her to reach out to someone else, it has been confirmed. Karen Hoyland, 38, told Emma Bernard, 34, that she should “talk to someone about these feelings,”...
Helpful mum LOVES commenting on daughter’s eating habits
A mother’s favourite pastime is commenting on her adult autistic daughter’s eating habits “out of concern for her wellbeing,” reports have indicated. Liz Thomas, 54, from Huyton – who was recently heard describing 0% fat soya yogurt as “moreish” – is horrified that her daughter,...
“Everything we don’t like is on the spectrum” decide neurotypicals
Neurotypicals have helpfully decided that everything they dislike must be “on the spectrum,” it has been announced. Neurotypicals said: “That guy being a bit of a tosser? Probably on the spectrum.” “Nazis? Definitely on the spectrum,” they continued. “That mass murderer?” They added. “Seems pretty...
Mentally healthy woman just really into handwashing
An autistic woman has discovered a harmless new talent for repeatedly washing her hands, according to reports. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Runcorn, scrubs her hands with carbolic soap multiple times an hour – which her family says simply shows a commendable dedication to her craft....
Neurotypicals unaware they can just stay home
Neurotypical people have no idea that they can simply not go outside, it has been reported. Since the start of summer, reports of allistic people leaving their lovely homes with all their things in have shot up by 11,000%. Sociologist, Dr. Olivia Buckingham, explained the...
Prodigy! Undiagnosed autistic woman really good at eating disorder
An undiagnosed autistic woman has discovered she’s absolutely amazing at having an eating disorder. Paige Thomas, 19, from Elton, has an innate talent for using food to regulate uncomfortable emotions – as opposed to actually feeling them. “It’s absolutely foolproof,” Thomas told us proudly. “To...
Disabled friend doesn’t particularly want your Not-Covid either
Your disabled friend isn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of getting whatever horrible lurgy you’ve reassured them isn’t Covid, it has been revealed. In a statement released today, your disabled friend clarified that yes, they’re keen to avoid Covid at all costs, but you still...
Man! This autistic woman doesn’t feel like a woman
A song by Canadian pop artist Shania Twain has uprooted an autistic woman’s issues with gender identity, reports have confirmed. The throwback track – which was playing in a bar during a outing with friends she didn’t want to go out with in the first...
Scientists discover first nephew without autism
The world’s first nephew who doesn’t have autism has been discovered by scientists, it has been reported. Seven-year-old Finley Rice has not exhibited a single symptom of ASD – despite having two aunts and an uncle. Autism researcher Dr. Graeme Hart, who made the discovery, said:...
