An autistic woman minding her own business has somehow become the scapegoat for friend-group beef that has absolutely nothing to do with her, it has been rumoured.

Third-year Law student, Ellie Mulligan, 22, was reportedly “just trying to have a nice, chill time” when she found herself in the middle of a passive-aggressive standoff between her three housemates, before inexplicably being blamed for the entire drama. 

Mulligan said: “Literally all I did was sit there and listen to them all complaining about each other. But apparently I made the mistake of nodding, which according to the Frenemy Act of 2009, was tantamount to incitement.”

“Becky is upset with Olivia for accidentally leaving her underwear in the shared bathroom,” Mulligan continued. “Olivia is upset with Becky for shagging the rugby guy she liked but didn’t tell anyone she liked. Emma is upset with both of them because it turns out it was both HER underwear and boyfriend. But I silently jerked my head once, so I guess it’s my fault.”

“I suggested everyone talk to each other as a group,” Mulligan added. “So now I’m a shit stirrer.”

Housemate Olivia Buckingham, 21, commented: “We’d all get on great if it weren’t for Ellie’s meddling.”


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