Autistic woman’s fictional boyfriend breaks up with her for her own good
An autistic woman has been left distraught after her fictional boyfriend ended their one-sided imaginary relationship, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 29, was enjoying an intense whirlwind romance with fictional vampire Robert Noot, 9254, the protagonist of her favourite fantasy book series, when he...
Autistic woman accused of bullying just trying to flirt
An autistic woman accused of picking on her crush was actually attempting to seduce him with witty banter, it has been rumoured. Niamh Callaghan, 26, has defended her behaviour towards Ben Espenson, 28, on the grounds that she was “doing a bit”. Callaghan explained: “All...
Autistic woman agonising over croissant pun or painfully sincere Valentine’s card
An autistic woman is reportedly debating between a seriously unfunny joke or an earnestly heartfelt Valentine’s Day card, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 32, from Elton, has spent three hours and 42 minutes despairing in the stationery aisle of her local Tesco Express, due...
Autistic woman playing hard to get holds off texting crush for agonising four minutes
An autistic woman attempting to appear cool and unattainable has reportedly restrained herself from texting her crush for an agonising four minutes (if you round up from three minutes 51 seconds). Miya Wilkes, 26, put a number of measures in place to ensure she didn’t...
Autistic woman’s favourite part of sex is her bra coming off
An autistic woman has revealed that her favourite part of sex is the bit where her horrible itchy bra gets removed. Miya Wilkes, 28, from Durham, enjoys the rest of sex just fine – but has to stop herself instantly climaxing from the sheer relief...
You’re not like other girls! Neurotypical man unaware that you’re worse
A neurotypical man has recently voiced his belief that you’re “not like other girls” – seemingly unaware that you’re worse. Lloyd Didcot, 34, expressed the sentiment during the worst Hinge date of your life, in which he forced you to sit at one of the...
Autistic woman hides crush by just being weird with everybody
An autistic woman has identified a foolproof way of obscuring her romantic feelings – by ensuring every encounter is as sufficiently weird as the last one. And according to Paige Thomas, 29, from Stockport – she’s never even had to try. “I just behave strangely...
Festive dating! Autistic woman finds unhealthy father figure to replicate trauma with
A straight autistic woman who seeks out unhealthy father figures in her romantic life has found the perfect jolly, yet mercurial older man to trigger her complex PTSD, it has been rumoured. Sarah Harrow, 29, who seeks out partners who are at least 20 years...
Flirting? Autistic woman thought ghost was just really into pottery
An autistic potter has only just realised that she has been conducting an intense love affair with a ghost for the last three months, and not just teaching him about creating earthenware, it has been announced. Dexter Livingstone, 27, started turning up in the workshop...
Autistic woman celebrates spooky season by getting ghosted again
An autistic woman has marked the arrival of spooky season by getting ghosted once more, it has been rumoured. Niamh Callaghan, 26, had been engaging in flirty banter with Cameron Brereton, 29, for a little over three weeks when he abruptly disappeared from all social...
