Argh! Autistic woman can’t tell anyone how well she’s keeping secret
An autistic woman is reportedly “losing her fucking mind” due to being unable to tell anyone how competently she’s keeping a secret, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 40, who found out the freakiest shit about a friend’s husband, Jack Harrington, 45, has been sworn...
I wasn’t bullied, says woman just playfully ostracised at school
An autistic woman who was regularly targeted by her entire class remains certain she wasn’t bullied in primary school, it has been confirmed. Paige Thomas, 29, from Preston, said: “Those years evoke such precious memories! Girls confronting me in the toilets, chasing me down corridors...
Friend who politely asked about special interest unaware they’ve committed rest of life to hearing about it
A non-autistic friend who asked a polite question about an autistic woman’s special interest has no idea that they will be hearing about it until they’re dead, it has been rumoured. Pippa Durham, 29, made the fatal error when Paige Thomas, 36, mentioned her love...
Honestly! Autistic woman REALLY glad she went
An autistic woman reluctantly dragged to a bar by a group of friends has insisted she had a really good time, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 27, from Netherton, described haunting waves of loneliness washing over her as the night progressed – which she could...
Autistic woman calls in sick to friendship
An autistic woman currently unwell with a summer cold has spent the day apologising to friends for being a bit quieter than usual, it has been rumoured. Pippa Durham, 26, considers her closest friendship to be a full-time job, and dutifully let Alma Montague, 28,...
Becky’s passive-aggressive Instagram story triggers global RSD crisis
A woman’s cryptically narky Instagram story has set off every neurodivergent person in the world’s rejection sensitive dysphoria, the government has confirmed. Becky Armitage, 42, posted the following mysterious rant to the social media platform: “Some people are seriously self-absorbed. Get over yourselves #Toxic.” University...
Woman who told depressed friend to “reach out” didn’t mean to HER
A woman who told her clinically depressed autistic friend to reach out if she felt bad meant for her to reach out to someone else, it has been confirmed. Karen Hoyland, 38, told Emma Bernard, 34, that she should “talk to someone about these feelings,”...
Autistic woman “supporting close friend through hard time” actually thinking of TV character
An autistic woman whose emotional resources have been depleted by “holding space for a loved one” is actually referring to Toadie from the Australian soap opera, Neighbours. Freya Emerson, 33, has become increasingly concerned for Jarrod “Toadfish” Rebecchi since he recently started exhibiting erratic behaviour...
Autistic woman conducts forensic investigation into why you’re mad at her
An autistic woman plans to leave no stone unturned in her investigation into why you were a bit off with her, it has been claimed. Sarah Harrow, 25, couldn’t help but notice you seemed a bit short with her and has attributed this change in...
Autistic woman reveals early exit from sleepover was due to “liking own bed”
An autistic woman has confessed to leaving a sleepover in 2007 due to preferring to sleep in her own bed, sources have confirmed. Paige Thomas, from Liverpool, who was 12 at the time, said: “I pretended that my parents were worried. In actual fact, I’d...
