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    News, Science

    Science! Autistic person discovers solving one anxiety spawns 14 new ones  

    An autistic person has made the groundbreaking discovery that resolving the source of one anxiety causes at least 14 new ones to pop up, like adding water to a Gremlin, it has been announced. Eli Port, 41, made the breakthrough after their boss asking them...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 weeks ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Science

    Dentists weigh in: “You’re autistic because you don’t floss” 

    Dentists have spoken out against the myth that vaccines cause autism, instead claiming that a lack of flossing is to blame. Eli Port, 43, made the connection when they realised that none of their autistic patients were regular flossers – and swiftly published a paper...
    Sarah Amero, 1 month ago 2 min read  
    News, Science

    Experts warn autism acceptance may lead to actually respecting the buggers 

    Experts have cautioned the general public about the dangers of autism acceptance, warning that it may lead to autistic people being treated like human beings. Ffiona Maw, from the anti-disability charity Nope, and Professor Jay Chester, who rubs his hands together like a Scooby Doo...
    Sarah Amero, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Science

    Autistic women “chameleon-like” due to their long sticky tongues, say experts 

    Autistic women are indeed like “chameleons” but for rather different reasons than initially thought, experts have discovered. The average autistic woman is believed to have a tongue length of at least 10 to 12 feet, roughly twice the length of their body, and is thought...
    Elsa Williams, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Science

    Spectrum 10k: “And we would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling autistics”  

    The minds behind the now-cancelled Spectrum 10k project are really quite ticked off that their totally non-creepy plan to collect autistic DNA has been scuppered by a gang of scrappy autistics, it has been rumoured.  The project, which asked autistic subjects for their saliva for...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Science

    Autistic women chameleons if chameleons couldn’t blend in for shit, experts admit 

    Despite autistic women being commonly compared to the colour-changing reptile, most of them can’t actually socially camouflage to save their lives, researchers have admitted. “Autistic women are often likened to chameleons,” autism expert Dr. Karen Hoyland explained: “That is, if a chameleon got into a...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News, Science

    Study finds autistic child refusing to smile simply unamused 

    New evidence has uncovered the most likely reason why autistic children don’t grin back at you — they simply think you’re dull. Behavioural experts have been monitoring Lottie Fitzgerald, three, who had remained stony faced throughout her parents’ attempts to entertain her. The couple from...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Science

    Scientists discover first nephew without autism  

    The world’s first nephew who doesn’t have autism has been discovered by scientists, it has been reported.  Seven-year-old Finley Rice has not exhibited a single symptom of ASD – despite having two aunts and an uncle.  Autism researcher Dr. Graeme Hart, who made the discovery, said:...
    Sara Gibbs, 10 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Science

    Study suggests autism can be reversed by just shoving kids back up there 

    Autism can be reversed by simply turning around and re-entering the womb, a new study has revealed.  The study, conducted on triplets in America, discovered that autism could become “reduced to an indistinguishable level” if children with autism are willing to go through what researchers...
    Sara Gibbs, 11 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Science

    Autism researchers to begin simply peering through people’s windows 

    Autism researchers have decided to drop any pretence of adhering to scientific or ethical methodology and are to begin simply peering through autistic people’s windows, it has been revealed. Project leader Dr. Karen Hoyland PhD said: “There is only so much we’ve been able to...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
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