Better late than never, concludes woman’s autism report
A woman approaching her 98th birthday has received a late late diagnosis of autism, reports have confirmed. Julie Walker, 97, from Goole – who received the full copy of her assessment report last Thursday – initially assumed her letter from the King had arrived early....
Coincidence! Neurotypical woman raising awareness of autism also wants you to buy these gut vitamins
A neurotypical woman who has selflessly dedicated her life to raising awareness about autism also wouldn’t mind if you bought these gut vitamins, it has been reported. Karen Hoyland, 42, spends most of her day talking about the “devastating impact” autism has on families and...
Woman outraged to learn that inner child work is unpaid
An autistic woman has been shocked to discover “inner child work” is not a means to generate income – halfway through a course of therapy. Sarah Harrow, 27, had been seeing an NHS professional for eight weeks when she arrived at the realisation that she...
Newly diagnosed autistic woman offered follow-up appointment with Twitter dickheads
A late-diagnosed autistic woman seeking further support has been generously offered limitless sessions on social media with some cunts, it has been reported. Paula Mulberry, 41, spent three years on an NHS waiting list before her suspicions that she might be autistic were confirmed. When...
“What if I’m not autistic?” Stresses person handing assessor 91-page dissertation about life
An autistic person is anxious that they won’t receive a formal diagnosis at their upcoming autism assessment – despite providing the psychologist with a folder the size of Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Avery Mann, 40, who was asked to give “a few examples” about their...
Researchers fear people with autism “may become sentient”
People with autism are showing signs that they may soon develop independent thoughts, and worse, start expressing them, researchers have said. The stark warning comes after test subjects began demonstrating likes, dislikes and even what looked like love. Autism expert, Dr. Karen Hoyland, said: “During...
Autistic woman “pretty confident” she can perform complex brain surgery after 5th binge-watch of Grey’s Anatomy
An autistic woman has been formally asked to leave St. John’s Hospital in Lambeth after “lurking” in the reception for three days straight, following yet another rewatch of medical drama, Grey’s Anatomy. After being forcibly removed from the waiting area, Beth Hapworth, 38 – who...
Autistic Swedish pop fan accidentally signs up for ABA
A lifelong lover of the band ABBA has mistakenly signed up for a course of Applied Behaviour Anaylsis, it has been reported. When autistic woman Paula Mulberry, 32, arrived at We Don’t Care Therapy Centre, she believed she was auditioning for an upcoming tribute band....
Five illnesses to give your unvaccinated children that are WAY better than autism
As a parent it’s only natural to be concerned about that one discredited academic paper from 1998 linking vaccines to autism. On the whole, most of us would agree we’d rather have a child with a higher risk of death than one that’s kind of...
Autistic kids tricked into going trans, says woman who’s never tried to make an autistic child do anything they don’t want to
Autistic kids are being turned trans against their will, claims a woman who’s never tried to feed an autistic child a vegetable. Prominent anti-trans campaigner Karen Hoyland, 42, said: “I’m very concerned about how many trans-identified children also have autism. Children suffering from autism are...
