Your boss, who emailed you at quarter to five on a Friday asking if you can come to their office for “a quick catch up” on Monday morning, better actually be shitcanning you after wrecking your entire weekend, you have announced.
Tricia Squire, 48, reportedly failed to give even the slightest indication of what the dreaded meeting might be concerning, leaving you to spend three days endlessly ruminating on everything you’ve ever said to Squire – and everyone else you’ve ever met, just for fun.
You said: “Maybe I haven’t been taking enough initiative. Or maybe I’ve been taking too much initiative. Oh God, what if it’s about the time I accidentally called her Mum, then tried to rescue it by saying ‘…ford & Sons. Really underrated band.’ That’s enough to get anyone fired.”
“Does she know about the paper clip I stole seven months ago?” You continued. “Because I swear it was an accident. I took a report home to read and the paper clip was on it. I was going to bring it back but then it got lost and… oh God I’d better update my LinkedIn.”
“All I’m saying is I’ve now braced myself for a firing, so it better be that because I’ve already made elaborate plans to burn her office to the ground.”
Speaking on Monday, Squire commented: “I was just going to ask you if you could order a fresh batch of branded pens. Why are you holding a can of lighter fluid and a box of matches?”
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