An autistic woman has been left distraught after her fictional boyfriend ended their one-sided imaginary relationship, it has been reported.
Paige Thomas, 29, was enjoying an intense whirlwind romance with fictional vampire Robert Noot, 9254, the protagonist of her favourite fantasy book series, when he broke the fourth wall to gently encourage her to get a life.
Thomas said: “Robert was the perfect man. He was handsome, mysterious, slightly camp, exceptionally toned despite basically being dead and so charming to all the people whose blood he drained. I’m devastated that I couldn’t be the waifish yet headstrong heroine he craves. Was it because of my iron deficiency?”
Noot responded: “I was deeply concerned for Paige after feeling her actual tears spilling onto the pages when I explained how I got turned into a vampire. Even I don’t feel that bad about it – that was a regular Tuesday for me. I’m over it. But there’s a chance she’ll have a major cardiac event when she gets to Chapter 20, and I don’t want to be held responsible.”
When asked if he had any final words for his former love, Noot said: “I’m literally not real. Please go outside and touch some grass.”
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