A 39-year-old autistic woman who finally accepted that the Toilet Monster wasn’t real unwittingly gave it the opportunity to reach its scaly hand up, grab her hair and suck her down into a sewage-filled Hades, authorities have confirmed.
Avery Mann, who has taken every possible precaution against the Toilet Monster since she was a little girl, last week came to the conclusion that there was no rational evidence for the existence of the creature – providing it with the perfect moment to pounce.
The Toilet Monster, 429, commented: “All those years of getting her mum to stand guard while she went to the loo, and running back to bed and making sure her feet were under the covers before the toilet could finish flushing… She was careful, alright, but I knew she’d slip up eventually.”
“I thought it would be sooner, to be honest. Most people stop believing in me before puberty. But no, I’ve been waiting four decades for her to relax. It’s been like waiting for Godot, if Godot was fully shitting on your head.”
Mann commented: “I’m finally free! I no longer believe in the toilet monst-aaaaaaargh!”
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