An autistic woman has finally been given the keys to the kingdom after unearthing the elusive How to Person handbook the neurotypicals have been hiding from us, it has been announced.
Beth Hapworth, 32, expressed relief at having her suspicions confirmed that everyone else was in possession of clandestine instructions on how to live their lives.
Hapworth told us: “I couldn’t believe it when the handbook was passed down to me in a top-secret initiation ceremony. I thought it was an urban legend!”
“It’s all in here,” Hapworth continued. “The answer to everything, from ‘how are you?’ to the exact expression to pull when someone tells you their nan just died.”
“The sky’s the limit for me now! If I want, I can be king!”
Hapworth was last seen being sworn in to the newly created position of Head of World, having small talked her way up the ladder in record time.
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