A support group for autistic people has revealed itself to be nothing more than a front for a sickening underground Dungeons and Dragons ring, it has been reported.
A local chapter of the ‘Little Buddies Network’, an initiative designed to bring autistic people together to talk about their experiences and make friends, was discovered to be a secret D&D campaign after neighbours complained of hearing people shouting “I attack with my greatsword for 20 damage!” and “Why can’t I seduce the dragon?” late into the night.
Group leader Robert Noot, 34, who calls himself the ‘Dungeon Master’, said: “The police broke down my door and seized all my miniatures! What am I supposed to do without my hand-painted wizards and burly orcish barbarians? Speak to other people? About what?”
Member Avery Mann, 27, believes the group has done nothing wrong. She said: “We spent about three weeks trying to sit around and do icebreaker games, but then we realised icebreaker games are fucking torturous. Someone brought out a set of polyhedral dice and suggested they might be the solution to all our problems. And they were!”
Local police chief Mary Walker, 49, said: “The community has been shocked to its core. I feel as if someone’s cast Ray of Sickness on me.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky TikTok and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
