Top employers of autistic people revealed as IT, retail and the X-Men
A recent survey has found that the top employers of autistic people are the IT and retail industries – closely followed by beloved superhero team the X-Men. Although the tech and retail sectors are known to employ many autistic people, the X-Men have never counted...
Autistic woman’s idea of self-care akin to that of depraved Roman emperor
An autistic woman’s idea of self care is virtually indistinguishable from that of a morally bankrupt Roman emperor, sources have claimed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 36, deals with the stresses of everyday life by plotting against family members (blocking her mum on WhatsApp), indulging in raucous bacchanals...
Autistic woman lands dream job as everybody’s unpaid educator
An autistic woman has finally landed her dream role as an unpaid educator for everyone around her, it has been reported. Navya Randhawa, 28, has always dreamed of wasting her precious time and energy explaining the modern world to everyone she meets. From family members...
Autistic woman joins pyramid scheme out of desperation for structure
An autistic woman has knowingly joined a pyramid scheme in the hopes of gaining some much-needed structure in her life, it has been reported. Niamh Callaghan, 31, was offered the chance to escape her chaotic life when a former classmate tried to charm her into...
Assistance required! Autistic woman’s self-checkout ruined by two simple words
An autistic woman’s weekly shop has ended in disaster after she was forced to interact with a person at the self-checkout, according to sources. Sabeen Bhatt, 42, was innocently scanning her groceries when the self-checkout prompted her for ID. Before she could cancel – or...
Wow! Autistic woman’s bisexuality makes her extra invisible
An autistic woman’s bisexuality has made her even more invisible than if she were just a regular autistic woman, sources have claimed. Tricia Squire, 34, has been gradually fading out of existence since her teen years, when her autism and bisexuality began a race to...
Autistic woman struggles to define ‘sexually active’ without massively telling on herself
An autistic woman asked by her doctor whether she is sexually active reportedly has no idea how to answer the question without detailing her entire sexual history. Alma Montague, 30, was seeing doctor Christine Smout, 49, for a checkup when she was ambushed with the...
Autistic people are faking it for benefits, says man who thinks government wants to make him rich
A local man believes autistic people are “faking it” in a bid to take away the abundant riches promised to him by the government, sources have said. Paul Shinter, 49, says that the UK government has lots of cash it wants to distribute to the...
Autistic woman deceived by false promise of quiet train carriage
An autistic woman has been left devastated to discover that “quiet carriage” signs on trains are essentially meaningless, according to reports. Megan Aldrich, 34, booked a seat in the quiet carriage for her morning commute in the hope of preventing a severe case of sensory...
Eccentric dad has “no idea” where you got your autism from
Your dad, the most singularly unique individual you’ve ever met, reportedly has no idea where you got your autism from. Perhaps best known for helping to bring you into the world, your father owns seven identical shirts, shouts at people for eating crisps within earshot,...
