Essential oils fail to cure child’s autism, succeed in making her smell like cat piss
A mother’s attempt to cure her child’s autism using essential oils has only resulted in making her smell as if a cat has urinated all over her, witnesses have claimed. Ellie Mulligan, seven, had just gotten ready for school when her mother smeared her with...
Autistic woman enjoying herself on date wonders what the catch is
An autistic woman having a wonderful time on a date has become increasingly suspicious after failing to detect anything wrong with it, according to reports. Beth Hapworth, 27, became wary of 26-year-old Noah Fields over the course of their dinner date after he revealed himself...
Autism assessment frogs the last thing autistics see before they die, scientists confirm
A groundbreaking study has reportedly discovered that the flying frogs from the ADOS assessment appear to autistic people before they die. The study found that the frogs from the book Tuesday, used in the standard autism assessment, appear to autistic people in their final moments....
Autistic woman trying to get out of work socials runs out of grandparents to kill off
An autistic woman has run out of grandparents to kill off as an excuse to get out of work social events, according to sources. Kelsey Dacey, 40, has managed to get out of white water rafting, rock climbing and other oddly Lara Croft-coded activities by...
Autism support group revealed to be front for underground D&D ring
A support group for autistic people has revealed itself to be nothing more than a front for a sickening underground Dungeons and Dragons ring, it has been reported. A local chapter of the ‘Little Buddies Network’, an initiative designed to bring autistic people together to...
Autistic woman just assumed everyone was consuming media critically
An autistic woman has made the foolish and illogical assumption that other people consume media critically instead of taking everything at face value, it has been claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was shocked to discover that, despite a long history of debunked headlines, Snopes-worthy urban legends...
Autistic woman asked where it hurts gestures vaguely at entire life
An autistic woman asked to describe the source of her pain has no idea where to begin, it has been reported. Miya Wilkes, 29, called an ambulance after suffering a fall at home. When paramedic Avery Mann, 39, arrived on the scene and asked her...
Shock! Autistic woman’s mother hasn’t commented on diet, clothes or lifestyle yet
An autistic woman’s mother has aroused shock and suspicion after going five minutes without a single comment about her daughter’s life choices, eyewitnesses have claimed. Natasha Weaving, 34, met her mother Christine, 65, for brunch, expecting all manner of commentary on her hastily thrown-together outfit,...
Autistic and ADHD friends realise they have never retained a single fact about each other
A pair of lifelong friends have recently realised they know almost nothing about each other thanks to their autism and ADHD, it has been reported. Ben Espenson, 24, who is autistic, and Naveed Azkhat, 25, who has ADHD, harbour a great deal of affection towards...
Devastating! Autistic woman eats last chicken strip without savouring the moment
An autistic woman has eaten her last chicken strip without realising it was the last chicken strip, according to sources. Becky Armitage, 30, was enjoying a meal of chicken strips and chips from her local Chicken Palace when she became distracted by a true crime...
