Autistic woman dismayed to discover exercise really does help
An autistic woman is reportedly devastated after discovering that her doctor was right and that exercising is genuinely really good for you. Siobhan Moorton, 39, thought she was being fobbed off every time her GP suggested regular exercise to improve her physical and mental wellbeing....
Casually dressed autistic woman not sure why everyone’s complimenting her on her Halloween costume
An autistic woman wearing her usual everyday clothes cannot understand why everyone thinks she’s wearing a Halloween costume, according to sources. Emma Bernard, 35, left the house in what she thought was normal seasonal attire, but everyone she has encountered so far has praised her...
Autistic man’s ADHD threatening to take over like Mr. Hyde
An autistic man’s ADHD is threatening to take over and turn him evil, it has been rumoured. Henry Jekyll, 50, is said to be a well-respected doctor and all-round top bloke, even if he never shows up to work drinks and can’t stop talking about...
Witchfinder General now qualified as autism assessor
A Witchfinder General has reportedly revealed he is now qualified to diagnose autism – without having undergone any additional training. Lucas Fletcher, 52, has been commended for the speed and accuracy of his assessments, working faster than most psychologists; he routinely sees over 50 patients...
Autistic woman doesn’t know how to tell boyfriend she wants to wear his skin without it sounding weird
An autistic woman overwhelmed with love for her boyfriend isn’t sure how to express that love without sounding like Hannibal Lecter, sources have said. Abeer Zaki, 28, loves Cameron Brereton, 32, more than life itself, but no words seem sufficient to tell him how much...
Being showered with pigs’ blood least traumatic thing that happened to autistic girl today
An autistic teenager who had a bucket of pigs’ blood dumped onto her at her high school prom has reportedly had far worse – even just today. Carrie White, 16, believed she had finally won over her classmates after being named Prom Queen, but, as...
Murderous motel owner bored waiting for AuDHD woman to get in the shower already
A motel owner who plans to murder his AuDHD guest while she showers is growing tired of waiting for her to actually get in the shower, it has been revealed. Norman Bates, 40, has assumed the persona of his dead mother and procured a big...
Autistic man only comfortable dressed in ritually hollowed-out bear
An autistic man stuffed into a bear’s body as a human sacrifice is reportedly relieved at finally having found something comfortable to wear. Christian Wheatley, 25, has already been subjected to several eye-opening experiences at the rural Swedish midsummer festival he is attending with his...
AuDHD woman’s unread messages beating damningly under floorboards
An auDHD woman is being tortured by the tell-tale sound of her countless unread notifications pinging underneath the floorboards, it has been reported. Navya Randhawa, 30, knows her emails, texts and direct messages have been piling up for weeks, but anxiety and distraction have conspired...
Scientist’s attempt at creating sentient life backfires: “Oh, crap, I made him autistic”
A scientist’s attempt at playing God has gone awry after the man he reanimated turned out to be autistic, it has been revealed. Victor Frankenstein, 40, had managed to create life in the form of a grotesque humanoid figure, but realised he’d celebrated too early...
