New year, new me! Autistic woman decides this is the year she’s going to be a massive liability on purpose
An autistic woman has made just one resolution for 2025 – to be as much of a menace as possible, sources have revealed. Ffiona Maw, 36, considered learning Spanish or joining the gym next year, but decided instead to quit suppressing her authentic self in...
Racist, sexist, homophobic aunt reveals she’s branching out into ableism this Christmas
A racist, sexist and homophobic aunt has announced plans to branch out into ableism in time for Christmas, according to sources. Alma Montague, 46, realised that her bigoted tirades at family gatherings
were excluding her autistic niece, 17 year-old Freya Emerson. In
preparation for Christmas...
Autism assessment waiting list to be split into “naughty” and “nice”
The waiting list for NHS autism assessments is to be split into “naughty” and “nice”’” categories in time for Christmas, it has been reported. With waiting times for an assessment up to three years long in some parts of the country, the list has been...
Diversity win! Autistic child in school nativity cast as Chris Packham
A primary school teacher has achieved a landmark win for diversity after casting an autistic pupil as Chris Packham in a school nativity. Krista Shure, 63, was outraged at the lack of autistic representation in the original nativity story – and feared that Finley Rice,...
Autistic woman considers revoking diagnosis after single successful social interaction
An autistic woman is questioning the validity of her diagnosis after she successfully managed a single social interaction, sources have revealed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was challenged by a member of staff at her local coffee shop to have a reciprocal social exchange while he made...
Neurodivergent ally! School bully clarifies she never specifically made fun of your autism
The girl who bullied you mercilessly throughout primary school has clarified that it had nothing to do with your autism. Neurodiversity champion Niamh Callaghan, 30, decided to set the record straight when she realised you were in front of her in the queue at the Post...
Woman rebrands autistic burnout as “flop era”
A woman has become a social-media sensation after rebranding her autistic burnout as her “flop era”. Beth Hapworth, 28, who runs an Instagram account detailing her experiences with autistic burnout, made the change after noticing her follower count was low. The results were almost instant:...
Rising autism diagnoses confirm that we totally fuck
A recent public health report has revealed that autism is more common than previously thought, confirming that autistic people are really good at sex. The government-commissioned report found a staggering 120% year-on-year increase in new autism diagnoses, suggesting that the neurotype is extremely common. As...
Stranded autistic astronaut: “I’m not fucking coming back”
An autistic astronaut stranded on Mars has resisted attempts at rescue, insisting that she would rather spend the rest of her life in space than live one more day on Earth. Kelsey Dacey, 39, a British astrophysicist, became stuck on the planet after her shuttle...
