Autistic woman’s facial expressions and tone of voice unable to work together due to creative differences
An autistic woman has issued a statement explaining that her facial expressions and tone of voice are unable to work together due to having entirely different visions for their performances. Ellie Mulligan, 33, has spent three decades trying to foster a positive collaboration between the...
“Gullible” autistic man believes people when they tell him stuff
An autistic man has been branded “gullible” by his peers for foolishly taking the things other people say at face value, it has been rumoured. Cameron Brereton, 25, has become known as an easy mark, as he naively believes people he likes and trusts are...
People pleaser pleases nobody
An autistic person who tries to please other people has somehow managed to achieve the exact opposite result, sources have confirmed. Jay Chester, 28, who strives to ensure that everyone is always happy with them at all times, reportedly failed to factor in that people...
Song played on repeat getting really annoyed at listener
Headline by Andrew Hickey An autistic woman’s favourite song is sick and tired of having to constantly be on all the time, it has been reported. Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo, one and a half, has begged Paige Thomas, 24, to give it a break after...
Spectrum 10k: “And we would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling autistics”
The minds behind the now-cancelled Spectrum 10k project are really quite ticked off that their totally non-creepy plan to collect autistic DNA has been scuppered by a gang of scrappy autistics, it has been rumoured. The project, which asked autistic subjects for their saliva for...
Mortifying! Autistic woman forgets to mirror exactly same amount of kisses at end of text
An autistic woman has been left “inconsolable” after sending a text with two kisses on the end when the acquaintance she had been texting had sent three, it has been rumoured. Navya Randhawa, 30, made the unforgivable error when attempting to book a hair appointment...
Vaccines cause autism, says worm that ate RFK Jr’s brain
The worm that infiltrated and feasted on RFK Jr’s brain has claimed that vaccines cause children to catch autism. The Great and Powerful Worm, 15, which faked its own death over a decade ago, has since been secretly acquiring territory, and has reportedly now consolidated...
Autistic woman wondering if she has ADHD or if she’s just high all the time
An autistic woman is questioning whether she is AuDHD or just enjoys a toke, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 37, who is diagnosed as autistic, frequently misplaces things, forgets what she was saying mid-sentence and has trouble controlling her impulses – but usually experiences...
Autistic man on holiday adjusts to everything being different just in time to go home
An autistic man who decided to go abroad for “a bit of a change” has finally adjusted to everything being completely different on day 13 of his two-week trip. Aidan Michaels, 35, who booked a fortnight’s holiday to Portugal – having briefly forgotten about the...
The autistic guide to waving exuberantly without accidentally Sieg Heiling
We’ve all done it. Who hasn’t been innocently hanging out at the inauguration of a man dubbed by people in his own party as the next Hitler and accidentally performed a Nazi salute that could only be more blatant if it was accompanied by a...