Dying autistic man bequeaths precious collection of unread messages to his family
An autistic man nearing the end of his time on Earth has gathered his family around him to pass on his precious collection of unread messages, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 89, has lived a long, autistic life, and has made his peace with the...
Last neurotypical who likes Sonic the Hedgehog begins to hear ticking clock
The otherwise calm life of the last “neurotypical” person on the planet to like Sonic the Hedgehog has become increasingly disturbed by the ominous sound of ticking, according to reports. Deborah Whitehead, 39, whose hobbies include playing Sonic the Hedgehog, thinking about playing Sonic the Hedgehog, and...
Convenient! Air fryer allows autistic man myriad new ways to forget to eat
A brand new air fryer, with options to bake, defrost, dehydrate, and more, has allowed an autistic man unparalleled new ways to forget to prepare and eat food, according to sources. Onye Egbuchunam, 43, recently bought the 6-in-1 double-chambered air fryer as a convenient way...
Oh no! Autistic woman loses all respect for colleague after learning he uses ChatGPT
An autistic woman has had to mentally downgrade her colleague from “decent enough bloke” to “empty-headed slopliker” after learning that he uses ChatGPT at work like that’s a normal and fine thing to do, sources have revealed. Natasha Weaving, 37, made the chilling discovery on Monday when...
Efficient! AuDHD man’s daily task list includes carefully planned five-minute scream
An AuDHD man attempting to keep on top of the constant demands of his busy life by tracking tasks has expanded his to-do list to include blood-curdling screams at the horror of it all, sources have reported. Paul Shinter, 45, recently made the decision to...
Explained! How to move countries and take on new identity after autistic joke gets taken seriously
We’ve all been there. Whom amongst us has not made a little joke for a bit of fun, and then looked on in horror as it was taken seriously, frozen in silent dread as the realisation hits that the person you are talking to now...
Autistic bearded man horrified by food near mouth
An autistic man who has intentionally grown a luscious and full beard/moustache combination on his own actual face is filled with a sense of visceral horror of food coming anywhere near it, according to sources. Mac Wheatley, 36, purposefully grew the collection of thick, dark...
AuDHD woman’s collection of tarot decks curiously quiet about financial discipline regarding more tarot decks
An autistic woman’s extensive tarot collection is keeping suspiciously schtum about her decision to buy yet more packs of cards, sources have revealed. Kelsey Dacey, 27, was gifted her first deck by a friend as an alternative to suggesting an autism assessment – but soon found herself...
Autistic man “doing a silly bit” accidentally becomes professor of criminology
An autistic man has recently been promoted to professor of criminology at a prestigious university as a result of his ongoing commitment to what he describes as a “funny little autistic joke”, sources have revealed. Ethan Stern, 37, was appointed to the position at the...
Polyamorous AuDHD woman torn between love of partners and hatred of admin
A polyamorous woman with two partners and AuDHD has found herself caught in a constant battle between the deep love and affection she has for her partners, and the equally deep fear and loathing she has for having to do any admin, eyewitnesses have said....
