Woman with “severely autistic” nephew fails to realise she’s tragically neurotypical
A woman who describes her autistic nephew as “severely autistic” is yet to recognise the true tragedy of her neurotypical brain, it has been reported. Deborah Whitehead, 58, from Alvanley, laments the imagined tragedy of an autistic man’s life – despite hers being blighted by...
Autistic woman aces job interview by mirroring worst person they know
An autistic woman struggling to find work has finally impressed an interview panel after mimicking the behaviour of the most insufferable human being they’ve ever met, sources have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 33, from Dingle, had a feeling that her usual interview strategy of “just being...
Autistic women chameleons if chameleons couldn’t blend in for shit, experts admit
Despite autistic women being commonly compared to the colour-changing reptile, most of them can’t actually socially camouflage to save their lives, researchers have admitted. “Autistic women are often likened to chameleons,” autism expert Dr. Karen Hoyland explained: “That is, if a chameleon got into a...
I’m a Faithful, pleads Traitors contestant just trying to hide her autism
A contestant appearing on a series of The Traitors has aroused suspicion among her fellow contestants whilst trying to conceal her autism, according to reports. Niamh Callaghan, 29, from Doncaster, seems terrified of opening her mouth for nefarious reasons – when she’s actually trying...
Inspirational! Anxious autistic person starts skin-picking group
In an attempt to combat loneliness and isolation within the autism community, an autistic person has decided to start a skin-picking group, it has been announced. Research suggests the average autistic people sheds 50g of skin a year – the equivalent of a pot of...
Woman labelled “complex” by mental health services really just basic bitch
An autistic woman who was described as “complex” by her team of mental health professionals has been revealed to be actually pretty basic, reports can confirm. Paige Emerson, 26, from Castlefield, might have “a lot going on psychologically” according to a room of therapists –...
Outrage! Woman’s neurotype that explains entire life is her whole personality
An autistic woman has allegedly bored friends and family members to tears after “making autism her entire personality”, say reports. Beth Haworth, 29, from Chester, was diagnosed six months ago – and hasn’t stopped obsessively researching her lifelong autistic brain on the Internet ever since....
Study finds autistic child refusing to smile simply unamused
New evidence has uncovered the most likely reason why autistic children don’t grin back at you — they simply think you’re dull. Behavioural experts have been monitoring Lottie Fitzgerald, three, who had remained stony faced throughout her parents’ attempts to entertain her. The couple from...
Scientists discover first cat without autism
Scientists believe they have finally discovered the world’s first neurotypical cat, a new study has revealed. Quiche, three, is a remarkably non-jumpy, non-erratic British shorthair who adores fireworks, the slamming of doors, and most notably, the clattering of a fork on the kitchen tiles. Autism...
Girlboss! Undiagnosed autistic woman starts career as psychiatric patient
A woman without a formal autism diagnosis is expected to have a long and fulfilling career as a patient in a psychiatric hospital, sources have said. Beth Hapworth, 24, from Wigan, is reportedly “thrilled” to have her personality traits and interests described as “obsessive” and...
