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    Elsa Williams

    Elsa Williams is a comedy writer from the North West. She’s written for Newsjack and The Independent, and was shortlisted for Sid Gentle’s Thousand Films Screenwriting Competition. She once got visibly excited for a pasta pot on the way to somebody's funeral.
    News

    Mystery! Autistic woman asks Reddit “what does ‘I fancy you’ mean?” 

    An autistic woman has been described as “mystified” and “perplexed” after another woman told her she’s sexually attracted to her, sources have indicated. Emma Bernard, 29, from Acton Bridge, is reportedly baffled by the puzzling statement after Natasha Weaving, 32, uttered the phrase in a bar...
    Elsa Williams, 1 month ago 1 min read  
    News

    Horse that appears in all the idioms just as confused as you are 

    Headline by Sara Gibbs A horse referred to in multiple idiomatic expressions doesn’t know why he’s been dragged into yet another conversation, it has been rumoured. Bramble, 18, a Dartmoor Pony, claims his ears are “constantly pricking” due to being persistently mentioned in various increasingly...
    Elsa Williams, 1 month ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Workplace sensory room perfect for wank 

    An autistic woman has found a sensory room at work ideal for mid-shift masturbation sessions, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bury, has been popping to the designated space for a bit of relief when it “all gets too much”. “This is Emma’s...
    Elsa Williams, 1 month ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Vaccines cause autism? Autistic woman longs to jab neurotypical colleague 

    Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim,  an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured.  Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    What now? Woman completes level three of autism  

    An autistic woman who completed level three of autism has been left wondering what the hell comes next, sources have claimed.  According to eyewitnesses, Miya Wilkes, 33, from West Ecclesfield, is “miserably twiddling her thumbs” after finishing what is supposed to be autism’s final chapter,...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Oh no! Autistic woman pronounced word out loud for the first time 

    An autistic woman is reportedly in despair after failing to pronounce a word correctly when saying it aloud for the first time – despite having read it over and over in various books multiples times, a LOT. Miya Wilkes, 29, from Tuebook, only realised “polemic”...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    Friendships, News

    “I’d be up for that” says autistic person who will absolutely cancel 

    An autistic person has cheerfully responded to plans in a WhatsApp group chat knowing full well they intend to back out later, according to reports. Jay Chester, 28, from Ellesmere Port, reportedly sent non-committal messages to the group such as “that sounds great” and “oh,...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    It wasn’t meant to be, says autistic woman after 978th failed job interview 

    An autistic woman emerging from yet another catastrophic job interview has reportedly consoled herself by saying it just wasn’t meant to be – the world of employment, that is. Emma Bernard, 34, from Widnes, came to the realisation after being rejected from yet another admin...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    You don’t look autistic! Woman looking increasingly pissed off now 

    An autistic woman who was told that she “doesn’t look autistic” by a man she met eight minutes ago is looking more and more furious by the minute, it has been rumoured.   Emma Bernard, 27, who endured the exchange whilst sat in an Avanti...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Lifesaver! Woman donates autism to seriously neurotypical mother 

    A woman has reportedly given her seriously neurotypical mother the ultimate gift – the gift of autism.  According to sources, Natasha Weaving, 33, from Stafford, couldn’t bear to see her mother Olivia Buckingham, 63, struggling with her neurotypical brain and so generously shared her own...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
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