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    Elsa Williams

    Elsa Williams is a comedy writer from the North West. She’s written for Newsjack and The Independent, and was shortlisted for Sid Gentle’s Thousand Films Screenwriting Competition. She once got visibly excited for a pasta pot on the way to somebody's funeral.
    News

    Wow! Child with autism on talent show inspires by being distinctly mediocre 

    An 11-year-old autistic boy who appeared on This Country’s Quite Gifted has stunned audiences – by singing in a way that would be entirely expected for a child his age. Finley Rice – who ocassionally hums along to whatever’s on in the car – appeared...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Vaccine Boosters

    Great, thanks! Autistic woman asked about gap in employment 

    This is a Vaccine Booster! A little top-up of autism that’s the whole joke. For a full dose, scroll through our main feed – and if you’re still not autistic enough, subscribe to get bonus content on Patreon.
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Love, Relationships

    I see beyond her autism, says woman staring at girlfriend’s tits 

    A woman who bravely met an autistic woman for a drink realised there was much more to her than her autism when she noticed something else first: an absolutely impeccable rack. When Beth Hapworth, 28, first noticed her date Emma Bernard, 33, across the bar,...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    It’s all good material, says autistic woman who will never do stand-up 

    An autistic woman with zero desire to enter the comedy circuit convinces herself “it’s all good material” every time her life starts falling to pieces, it has been revealed. Paige Thomas, 31, from Old Trafford, insists on using the helpful phrase when things go wrong...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman relates to protagonist everybody else finds fucking insufferable 

    An autistic woman has been left feeling ashamed after identifying with the narrator of a novel that everybody else hates, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 26, attended a local reading group last Monday evening to discuss Sally Rooney’s Conversations With Friends. She was about...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic woman mistakes shit workplace lighting for aurora borealis 

    An autistic woman who claimed to have seen the Northern Lights “multiple times” was actually just thinking of the ones at her open-plan office, it has been revealed. Alma Montague, 38, from Wallasey, described being confused by the excitement on social media – as spectacular...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic Swedish pop fan accidentally signs up for ABA 

    A lifelong lover of the band ABBA has mistakenly signed up for a course of Applied Behaviour Anaylsis, it has been reported. When autistic woman Paula Mulberry, 32, arrived at We Don’t Care Therapy Centre, she believed she was auditioning for an upcoming tribute band....
    Elsa Williams, 1 year ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic child sent to school with egg sandwich, just to top it off 

    An autistic schoolgirl has been given an egg-mayonnaise sandwich to take in her packed lunch in an act some would describe as “unforgivable”, it has been reported. Mary Walker, eight, has always struggled to make friends. The only appropriate solution, her mother Paula Walker, 43,...
    Elsa Williams, 1 year ago 1 min read  
    Fashion

    Heartbreak! Autistic woman adores itchy top she can’t wear without screaming 

    After snapping up the black mesh top of her dreams, an autistic woman is devastated to learn that she can’t actually wear it. Paige Thomas, 26, from Bury, explained: “I look so fuckable in it. Like, Catherine-Zeta-Jones-in-Chicago levels. But I can’t keep it on more...
    Elsa Williams, 1 year ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic woman stabs herself with pitchfork after being recommended Dog in the Night-Time book again 

    An autistic woman has been critically injured after stabbing herself with a garden fork last week, following yet another recommendation that she “give that mysterious dog book a go,” it has been reported.  Kelsey Dacey, 34, from Warrington, was only diagnosed 11 weeks ago –...
    Elsa Williams, 1 year ago 1 min read  
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