Autistic child sent to school with egg sandwich, just to top it off
An autistic schoolgirl has been given an egg-mayonnaise sandwich to take in her packed lunch in an act some would describe as “unforgivable”, it has been reported. Mary Walker, eight, has always struggled to make friends. The only appropriate solution, her mother Paula Walker, 43,...
Heartbreak! Autistic woman adores itchy top she can’t wear without screaming
After snapping up the black mesh top of her dreams, an autistic woman is devastated to learn that she can’t actually wear it. Paige Thomas, 26, from Bury, explained: “I look so fuckable in it. Like, Catherine-Zeta-Jones-in-Chicago levels. But I can’t keep it on more...
Autistic woman stabs herself with pitchfork after being recommended Dog in the Night-Time book again
An autistic woman has been critically injured after stabbing herself with a garden fork last week, following yet another recommendation that she “give that mysterious dog book a go,” it has been reported. Kelsey Dacey, 34, from Warrington, was only diagnosed 11 weeks ago –...
Autistic woman brings whole self to work and is subsequently sacked
A woman encouraged to bring her “whole self” to work has since been sacked, sources claim. Emma Bernard, 27, had seemed quiet and reserved when starting her office job four months ago. Naturally, her new team noticed and decided to step in. To the horror...
Woman experiences epiphany after man says she doesn’t look autistic
Despite waiting years to be formally diagnosed, an autistic woman found herself unexpectedly enlightened yesterday, sources have confirmed. Emma Bernard, 29, had her world changed forever at her Great Uncle’s 70th bash when, whilst retrieving a sausage roll, a man told her that she really...
She’s too much! Autistic child looking to rehome Autism Mum
An autistic child is desperately appealing to “rehome” his neurotypical mother, it has been revealed. Finley Rice, seven, from Cheshire, says he is “wracked with guilt” after admitting that he can no longer cope with mum Paula Rice, 41. He hopes that by speaking out,...
Wholesome! This autistic woman LOVES lining up her dildos
An autistic woman has warmed the hearts of onlookers by still lining up her sex toys at the age of 27, her parents have confirmed. Beth Hapworth’s 14 vibrators live side by side in her bedside table drawer and are regularly re-ordered in pleasing formations...
