An autistic person’s carefully constructed imaginary escape from reality has been ruined by their carefully constructed imaginary set of rules, it has been rumoured.

Luca Mignon, 35, who has reportedly spent years lovingly building what’s known as a paracosm, an elaborate inner world where everything is lovely all the time in order to help them fall asleep, has accidentally become the person who must ensure that everything is lovely all the time for everyone, despite nobody but them being real.

Mignon explained: “It was supposed to be a safe space that was all about having my needs met. The only problem was, I needed other people to meet those needs – and those people all deserve fair pay, rights and reasonable adjustments where necessary, obviously. Imaginary people are people too.”

“I just wanted people to gently nurse me through my various mental-health crises, and maybe bring me large platters of food. Now I’m out here negotiating the social and power dynamics of the situation, making sure that everyone is there of their own free will and that they don’t feel obliged to be friends with me. God this is so problematic.”

“That’s before we even get to the politics of the wider society I’ve created,” Mignon added. “I don’t want to be a dictator, even a benevolent one. Maybe we could have some sort of rotating leadership system? And we need to decide on what happens when someone breaks the law. I don’t want to reinvent the cops, but we do need some sort of order. I’m so sorry.”

At the time of publication, Mignon had not slept in about six months as they were in imaginary talks with an imaginary union, encouraging them to have an imaginary strike.

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