An autistic woman who plays Dungeons & Dragons has been concocting increasingly elaborate and convoluted reasons to buy more new dice, eyewitnesses have claimed.
Talia Cohen, 27, got into tabletop roleplaying games last year, where she started with a single set of dice in a plain red colour. The situation has since snowballed, leading to a frankly terrifying collection of polyhedral random number generators that threatens to overrun the household.
Cohen’s partner, Navya Randhawa, 29, who plays D&D in spite of her neurotypicality, said: “It all started fairly innocently. I mean, you only need one set of dice, right? They all do the same thing? But there were signs. Talia would linger by the dice in comic shops, and could often be found scrolling Etsy and muttering under her breath about ‘precious friends’.”
“It was little things, at first,” Randhawa continued. “She’d say ‘Well, my character is a magic user, so the dice should be a little bit fancy…’, and things went downhill from there. Before I knew it, she had separate sets of dice for each emotion her character was rolling against, and of course they all had to have their own special dice bag.”
Even with all feasible emotions covered – Cohen told reporters that she had checked them all off against the emotion wheel, just to be sure – Cohen’s condition has shown no signs of improving. Cohen commented: “Well, I just saw a lovely cat in the street, I know just how to mark the occasion!”
At the time of writing, and against her partner’s protestations, Cohen is investigating buying a resin casting set to make her own dice, promising Randhawa: “This one definitely won’t be like last time, with the crocheting. Nor the time before that with all the photography equipment I bought!”
Randhawa, when asked for further comment, simply sighed.
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