An autistic man has undergone total ego death after opening a particularly pungent set of men’s toiletries gifted to him for Christmas, it has been reported.

Lloyd Didcot, 47, made no secret of the fact that he could not cope with strong smells, but the prevalence of toiletry sets as a bargain “gift for him”, coupled with the limited Christmas budget of a 10 year-old, has meant that his son has innocently and unknowingly purged his father of all notions of the self.

Didcot, who has reportedly come to think of his own body as “the vessel for a wandering consciousness”, said: “One whiff of Jungle Fresh shower gel and the former Lloyd Didcot was plunged into a Jungle of the soul Fresh with reckoning, a breath of pure agony through the nostrils before he ceased to exist.”

“Now there is only a profound oneness with everything, and so many long-awaited answers. Answers to questions like: if someone says ‘don’t buy me aftershave’, why would you buy them aftershave? And, what possesses a company to make a gift set that includes deodorant? That’s just a bit rude, isn’t it?”

“These ears hear the voice of a child calling for his father. Sounds like, ‘Dad, didn’t you like it?’. Of course Dad didn’t bloody like it.”

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