The devil has admitted that he quietly changed the standard recipe of your favourite ready meal just to ruin your life.

In a statement released today, Lucifer, 13.7 billion, took responsibility for turning your delicious, creamy mac and cheese with a sexy golden brown crust into stodgy, watery mess that looks, frankly, infected. 

The statement read: “I did it. And I did it in secret to make you feel like you were going mad. And I’d do it again! Muahahahahahahahaha.”

“Who else would have taken actual perfection and made it taste like carb-laden pus with surprise inexplicable crunchy bits that make you feel like bits of your tooth have crumbled off into your dinner? ‘Twas I – the Prince of Darkness.”

“And I’ve murdered everyone in possession of the original recipe,” the statement concluded. “Good luck trying to recreate it – you can’t even boil an egg.”

The devil could not be reached for further comment as he was on his way to Atlanta to fuck with the recipe for Diet Coke.

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