An autistic woman who despises ordinary workplace conversations will make a rare exception for the sake of decent gossip, it has been rumoured.
Despite loathing typical office chit-chat, Ffiona Maw, 32, will cheerfully listen to you slag off your mutual nemesis as many times as you like.
“Yeah, small talk is meaningless and futile,” said Maw. “Until that is, you tell me Deb hasn’t submitted her reports on time and keeps leaving her dirty Tupperware in the kitchen sink. Then my ears prick up like a cat who’s just heard a particularly juicy-sounding bird.”
“Don’t bother talking about the weather or your weekend plans,” Maw continued. “But if it’s about our wanky boss who patronised you in a meeting last week – the same one that got praise for saying the exact thing that I did? I’m all ears.”
“Forget heavy rain or your five year old’s rainbow disco dance birthday party. I’m here for the tea. No, I don’t want to make a round of tea.”
Wilkes was unavailable for further comment, as she’d just been informed that “some serious shit was going down” by the photocopier.
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