Allistic people have expressed excitement that humanity will magically reset itself on the first of January, it has been announced.
In a statement released today, neurotypicals conveyed their relief that “this horrible year is nearly over,” asserting the belief that an arbitrary change in year will, reverse global warming, un-elect Trump and generally fix all the ills of the world.
The statement read: “It’s been an awful year for the world – but we feel confident in saying new year, new me – on a global scale.”
“Yes, Nazis are back,” the statement continued. “But if anything can stop them, it’s the switch from the number 2024 to 2025. Even the best Nazi in the world couldn’t withstand that.”
“Just you wait – once January rolls around, nothing bad can happen. Wait, what inauguration?”
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