Prime Minister Keir Starmer has issued a statement explaining the “moral case” for bashing to death the adorable, wide-eyed bush babies holding back our nation.
Having tackled other societal menaces, such as disabled adults and transgender children, Starmer announced yesterday that he’d be forming a posse to eradicate every last galago, before they can get their tiny paws on our precious bananas.
Starmer said: “There’s nothing these little scammers won’t do for a hit of that sweet potassium. The only rational and moral thing to do is grab a baseball bat and start cracking some skulls.”
“Our research tells us that mothers leave their infants alone for long stretches of time,” the statement continued. “Which can only be good for us, strategically.”
“Yes, it’s tough when they look at you with those saucer eyes that seem to plead ‘why are you doing this?’ But whether we save ten billion bananas or one single banana, it’s worth it.”
Starmer could not be reached for further comment as he was cackling manically.
Image: Juergen Nowak / Shutterstock
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