Autistic woman’s cat begs her to expand social circle
An autistic woman’s cat has reportedly begged her to expand her social circle after becoming concerned at her lack of human friends. Fudge Cake, seven, from Canvey Island, became worried about his owner, Emma Bernard, 29, after she told him he was “the only friend…
You don’t look autistic! Woman looking increasingly pissed off now
An autistic woman who was told that she “doesn’t look autistic” by a man she met eight minutes ago is looking more and more furious by the minute, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, who endured the exchange whilst sat in an Avanti...
Autistic woman browsing Netflix only to rewatch lifetime of shame
An autistic woman searching Netflix for something new to watch will likely settle on her usual showreel of mortifying life moments that make her wish she’d never been born, it has been rumoured. Avery Mann, 40, reportedly briefly hovered over Apple Cider Vinegar, before the...
Lifesaver! Woman donates autism to seriously neurotypical mother
A woman has reportedly given her seriously neurotypical mother the ultimate gift – the gift of autism. According to sources, Natasha Weaving, 33, from Stafford, couldn’t bear to see her mother Olivia Buckingham, 63, struggling with her neurotypical brain and so generously shared her own...
Autistic women “chameleon-like” due to their long sticky tongues, say experts
Autistic women are indeed like “chameleons” but for rather different reasons than initially thought, experts have discovered. The average autistic woman is believed to have a tongue length of at least 10 to 12 feet, roughly twice the length of their body, and is thought...
Heroes! Parents who love autistic child eagerly await medal
Self-described “autism parents” who “love their child with autism” have reportedly been left disappointed after discovering there’s no medal for loving your own offspring. Graeme and Karen Hoyland, both 38, have insisted that they wouldn’t change seven-year-old Finley Rice for the world – “even though...
Failure! Overprepared autistic woman forgets to pack the one thing someone wants to borrow
An autistic woman who usually leaves the house with every practical item anyone might ever need has apologised for her lack of foresight after failing to pack the one thing a stranger asked for. Beth Hapworth, 27, usually carries around enough supplies to survive an...
Autistic woman celebrates rare burst of energy by running herself into the ground again
An autistic woman experiencing a rare burst of energy has decided to mark the occasion by doing all the things that exhausted her in the first place. Navya Randhawa, 36, was recently forced to take a week off work following a debilitating episode of burnout...
Pair of dyscalculiac friends can just about add up between the three of them
A couple of autistic friends who also have dyscalculia have managed to compensate for their spiky skill set between the three of them, an indeterminate number of reports have indicated. Emma Bernard, ?, and Sabeen Bhatt, ???, have been best friends since they were placed...
Red-handed! Autistic woman caught on Ring doorbell rehearsing conversation
An autistic woman has been captured on her doorbell camera rehearsing social interactions, eyewitnesses have reported. Emma Wilkes, 29, from Warrington – who installed the camera after a security scare – noticed last week that she’d been practising mini conversations with herself before entering her...
“Amateur hour” says autistic woman celebrating Pancake Year
An autistic woman has branded neurotypical Pancake Day celebrations “a pathetic effort,” in an exclusive interview. Megan Aldrich, 29, is so dedicated to Shrove Tuesday that she also celebrates Shrove Monday, Shrove Wednesday, Shrove Thursday, Shrove Friday and Shrove Saturday, year-round, without a break. “Technically...
Autistic woman tries her luck with “Let’s leave it until after Pancake Day” email
An autistic woman is reportedly hoping her “let’s leave it until after Pancake Day” suggestion will successfully discourage unwanted work requests. Despite having recently returned from Christmas leave, Emma Bernard, 29, from Stockport, is said to be looking forward to “a well-deserved break” over what...
Autistic woman’s best version of herself is The Sims version of herself
An autistic woman has been distraught to discover that the best version of herself only exists within a life-simulation video game, it has been announced. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Nantwich, boasts to prospective employers that she owns three properties, five Birthday Hot Tubs and has...
