Treat yourself! Autistic woman buys yet more tat from dead people’s houses
An autistic woman is living her best life by filling her home with items that other people have thrown away, sources have claimed. Charity shop menace Beth Hapworth, 35, appears to be enjoying an inexhaustible supply of dopamine, having turned her kitchen into an homage...
Autistic person somehow manages to mishear every song lyric
A person has been identified who has never heard the lyrics to a song correctly in their entire lifetime, scientists have discovered. Luca Mignon, 40, is like many other autistic adults in that they have reportedly spent at least two thirds of their life in...
Autistic woman who claimed not to take things literally discovers she took the concept of literalism too literally
An autistic woman is reportedly reconsidering some of the answers she gave in her diagnostic assessment three years ago, in light of startling new information about what the word ‘literally’ means. Lottie Fitzgerald, 25, was diagnosed as autistic in 2023, but has since realised that...
It has pockets! Autistic woman’s clothes contain no keys or phone but plenty of tiny knitted rabbits
An autistic woman has chosen to fill the pockets of her new skirt with whimsical little oddities while continuing to lose all the items that she actually needs, sources have claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was reportedly delighted to discover that her latest Vinted purchase had...
Win friends and influence people! Five of the best pigeon-themed vocal stims
Nothing attracts new friends and lovers quite like sudden and alarming vocal stims. Here are five of our pigeon-themed favourites. Shouting “PIGEON!” Keep it simple, keep it loud. Best done when others are least expecting it. The perfect way to wake up your sweetie when...
Reverse lie-in? Autistic woman goes to bed so early it’s still last week
An autistic woman who loves her bed with the ardour usually reserved for a new romantic partner has accidentally broken the concept of time, scientists have revealed. Siobhan Moorton, 35, has always been tucked up in her jammies with a mug of cocoa by 9pm,...
Baby face! Middle-aged autistic woman no longer takes being asked for ID as a compliment
A woman in mid-life still regularly finds herself being asked for proof of age in pubs and supermarkets, due to what commentators have termed “the mysterious autistic baby-face phenomenon”. Julie Walker, 40, who was born before the fall of the Berlin Wall, is pivoting from...
Autistic person who hates to be touched clings to one chosen individual like they’re made of Velcro®
An autistic person with an intense aversion to human touch nonetheless wishes to be touching one specific human at all times, it has been claimed. Kit McGodden, 39, has spent their life ducking and weaving to avoid hugs at social gatherings. They once feigned uncontrollable...
Mind the gap! Man gives back autism diagnosis after love of trains is tested by a trip on the Circle Line
A man is seeking to return his autism diagnosis, having changed his mind about his enthusiasm for trains after actually riding on one, it has been revealed. Dexter Livingstone, 25, rode the London Underground from Liverpool Street to Hammersmith during rush hour in July. His...
Advertorial: Autistic woman misdiagnosed with every mental illness under the sun finally correctly diagnosed as hilarious
A late-diagnosed autistic woman who spent an eventful few decades in mental-health services has been identified at last as a comedy writer, readers of her debut book, All My Worldly Joy, have discovered. The Daily Tism writer, Laura Richmond, 38, had never considered the possibility...
